Just as Sane as I Am

My most recent visit to the clinic thankfully went well, other than a long wait for an ultrasound. I saw my first male doctor in this group, and he was one of the first people to not treat me like I’m an idiot. He explained what everything meant, which was refreshing, and even seemed annoyed that I hadn’t been told certain things. Thanks for finally being on my side, someone. Also, though he struggled to find my ovaries, he did manage both of them after he took his time. He seemed absolutely appalled that someone had sent me away without finding one last week. I felt awfully validated. Later that day, a nurse called me to let me know that all of my levels were right on target. Keep with estrogen 3x daily and start progesterone shots on the 26, as planned. Oh, those dreaded words. Progesterone shots. The most terrifying  part of this whole thing. The thing that my doctor told me on day 1 would really hurt, that women in the social media groups I’m part of lament on the regular. ...

Fourteen years ago, on my first visit overseas to meet my future husband's family, his father unexpectedly had a heart attack and passed away. It was quite the introduction to everyone, it has to be said. Shocking, devastating, but I was glad I could be there for my at-the-time boyfriend. Not long after that, my mother in law went to see a medium who told her that her late husband would leave white feathers for her when he was visiting. She did see a few around that year at apt times in meaningful places. Years later, after a few months of marriage, my husband and I were looking for our first house together. We went hunting a few days, not long, before we found one that we were pretty sure we liked. We put a bid on it that was accepted, but there was still another house I wanted to see. Also, my parents, with whom I am very close, hadn't had the chance to see it. The weekend after our acceptance, we went to see the other house I was interested in, and I was unsure if I li...

Estrogen pills began Sunday after blood work and ultrasound. (The blood work that morning was PAINFUL. It took awhile to find a vein they could get into, and it kept ducking out of the way when they did. A huge, ugly bruise formed there later that day.) Taking those twice a day, and they really haven't made any difference in my emotions, thankfully. No depression like with the injections. Hallelujah. Had to go to the clinic early in the morning yesterday for more blood work and ultrasound. Due to the existing arm bruise, we used my right arm for taking blood. While the phlebotomist got the vein easily (a small miracle), it still bruised, I guess just based on the placement. At least I'm symmetrical now. I had to wait ten minutes or so before I was shown to my ultrasound room. I'm used the process there; undress from the waist down, sit on the bed, cover up with the thin paper blanket they leave folded up for you. I bring a book and sit there in as much dignity as I can ...

It's been a hot minute since I've written, I know. Things have been moving a lot more slowly the last week or two, but they're starting to pick up again, so here we are. Back at our respective computer screens, typing or reading away. I think most people reading this already know that we got some good news a week after we found out that five of our eggs had fertilized. I reached out on Facebook and asked for lots of prayers, and we got them from all over the country, from all different faiths, from all different people. It was, as much of this has been, truly humbling to see how many are willing to help in a time of need. I just needed for all of those embryos to make it to the blastocyst stage. I couldn't take the prospect of having to wait another  month and go through another  retrieval cycle. The thought of having to depress myself with all that estrogen again... Not a fun one. There's enough injecting myself ahead without  adding that. On Saturday the 1, al...