Just as Sane as I Am

This week, I had the dreaded glucose test. People complain so vehemently about how disgusting the sugary drink you’re made to consume is, I didn’t know what to expect. Really, it just tasted like orange flavored water with a little extra sugar, but it wasn’t by any means awful. I was also nervous because I (normally) have hypoglycemia, or low blood sugar, and drinking something like that could lead me to pass out, or at least feel extremely weak and faint. I was sure that by the end of the hour you have to wait before having blood drawn, I’d barely be able to stand up, and no doubt I would pass out as soon as the needle went into my arm. But, thanks to a good book, the hour went quickly. I never felt any difference in my blood sugar. (Is that good or bad? Not sure.) The phlebotomist I had was extremely nice, too, which was a welcome change of pace. She noticed my small veins and used a pediatric needle, and she had no trouble at all getting into the vein, which would normally dodge...

At some point, I decided to get over my worries. What was I going to do, really? Worry a whole bunch about something I had no control over? One woman online (I know, the most trustworthy type) told me if my issue became more serious, it wouldn't kick in until the third trimester, anyway. I couldn't walk around sending out all these negative vibes. No way. It didn't hurt that I spoke to coworkers who have relatives who were delivered early, around the 28 week mark at the beginning of the third trimester, and they all turned out okay. And those people were born 28 years ago or 19 years ago, and obviously medicine has come aways since then. If I could make it that far, things would more than likely be okay. Not that I want Baby Girl to be born that early and be at risk and be in an incubator and make us move into the hospital, but I felt a lot more comforted that I wouldn't have this thing we've worked so hard for suddenly ripped away from us. I also happen to go t...

Baby kicks and movement have continued at quite the rate. I feel like she's more active than your average baby, based on books and others' experiences. I hear often that at first, you'll feel your baby a lot one day and might not feel him/her again for 3 or 4 days. Not this chick. She's kicking, rolling around, and punching quite often. I feel her multiple times a day, particularly after I've eaten. I take that as a good sign. Of course, it could also mean she'll give us a run for our money once she's actually here. I'm hoping she'll just be so active during the day that she'll exhaust herself and sleep well. Probably wishful thinking, but I might as well think wishfully. (And take liberties with the English language.) On Saturday afternoon, she was being especially bloopy (our word for lots of movement; I'll often just call out, "Bloop!" when I've felt her move). I've been trying to get Jon to feel her for a week or two...

This seems to be the #1 question people ask when you're pregnant. Instead of the polite, colloquial, "How are you?" (which, if we're honest, no one actually wants an answer to anyway; if you're having a bad day and you say so, people look at you like you have six or seven heads because you're just supposed to say, "Good, how are you?" and no one wants to hear about why you might not be feeling great), you get a knowing sort of look and a "How are you feeling?" with a tone of voice that intimates that you're special  and they know it. What are you supposed to say to this? "I mostly feel exactly the same except for the days where my skin feels like it's going to burst because it's stretched to its max"? "I've been having emotional outbursts over things like icing and baseball games, and everyone wants to write it off as hormonal surges, but I know I can be totally irrational when I'm not pregnant, and I...

Time for the monthly update. That's what it's turned into at this point. Writing once a month instead of multiple times a week. That's probably good. Maybe it means my sanity is creeping back in. Or, at least, my normal brand of insanity, rather than the biological clock ticking type that had been dominating my life for the last year or two. I've had two doctor's appointments since the last update. I was a little nervous at the first one because of the headaches. Someone had told me, and I had read, that frequent headaches can mean high blood pressure. Listen. I wouldn't be surprised if my body started rebelling against me in new kinds of ways. I've been eating sort of kind of out of control, at least for me. Potato chips are now consumed almost daily. Not an entire bag of them or anything, but definitely more like three servings than one. French fries. A ton of cheese. Really, if any normal human saw me, they'd probably think I'm eating like...

There have already been so many times I’ve pondered here about normality. I’ve wondered why I cannot be normal, or what makes anyone normal to begin with. Driving home the other day I thought of how I often pride myself on not being normal. So why is it that in this instance, I still long for more of a sense of normality? It's an interesting question. Part of me feels maybe it's because I want to know what it's like to not have to worry at all times. Not that there aren't plenty of people who have scares and worries throughout their pregnancies, but there certainly are those who haven't had issues and breeze through it all. I wish I knew what that was like. I wish I had just started to feel a little nauseous one morning, then realized I was two weeks late, then peed on a stick, then had the happy jumping up and down dance when I got two lines or a little smiley face. Not three years of peeing on sticks prematurely and getting negative outcomes and crying and th...

Last week, I had my first appointment with my ob-gyn pertaining to my pregnancy. Everyone in the office was very congratulatory, which was nice, even if it did feel a little premature. I guess after 10 weeks, I should get over that feeling. Things are looking good. (And I am mostly optimistic, really. I think anyone who's pregnant, though, has concerns and worries for the first trimester, probably because of how paranoid the internet, etc, has made us about this. I know many moons ago, women told everyone they were pregnant as soon as they knew. They didn't wait and worry, which is more common practice these days. I want to be nothing but happy and positive, but doubt creeps in occasionally. I also want to support the women in the Infertility Groups I'm in on Facebook, though a lot of them post when horrible things happen. Just this weekend, a woman lost her baby at 19 weeks. There isn't a huge amount of positivity, and that's probably because a) people need mor...