Stressed in a Freezer
Today. Today was a day that I can't even believe happened. I'm sitting on the couch wondering who was punking me and whether or not today will show up reality TV at some point.
It certainly feels like it.
My IVF cycle is scheduled to start TOMORROW. I found out that it was going to happen just six days ago, and now it's here. This has moved so quickly it's unbelievable.
Thanks, Mother Nature!
What has happened since Saturday night:
I got my period on Saturday at 5pm. I need to go get monitored on Day 3 of my cycle. When you get it at 5pm, is that day 1 or not? Would I need to go in on Monday or Tuesday? This would make a difference because of the copious amounts of hormones I will need to take, both through pills and shots (that I'm going to have to administer myself). They have to be shipped from a pharmacy in Massachusetts, and I'm not sure they'd be able to get here in time to start treatment on Monday. (This is recap. Sorry.)
Spoke to someone while driving home yesterday. (Before we spoke, I had a dropped phone call, which made me extremely anxious, a theme of the last few days, since it was a Sunday, and the person didn't call me back for ten minutes or so, so I wasn't sure if they even would.) They said that, as I started my period late on Saturday, Sunday would be my day 1. But would I be able to get the medication in time? Possibly not; my nurse would call me first thing the next morning (Monday) to tell me about the medication.
I woke up this morning thinking that today is the last day of a certain phase of my life. Starting tomorrow, I will be so actively trying to have a baby that it's ridiculous. Today is it. Not sure how many people have such a defining day. A fair amount, but still. Weird.
I went in clinging to my phone, waiting for the call from my nurse. I told my coteacher, who I work with for the entire morning, that I was anticipating calls.
Luckily, I'm free first period, so I was excited when my phone rang and it was the clinic. It wasn't my nurse, though; it was another nurse who I had forgotten called me on Friday morning. I had returned her call and left a voice mail, but she hadn't gotten back to me until just then. She had some health clearance questions to ask me, questions that I feel I've answered about 75 times in the last two months, but sure. When we finished, I was told, "Good thing you answered. I have to clear you of all this before you start your treatment, and you're scheduled to start tomorrow."
"Well," I told her, "I did call you back on Friday, but I was also on a long planned vacation."
"Your timing isn't great if you want to do things this quickly," she snipped at me.
SERIOUSLY?! This is not the first person who has complained to me about my timing, which, PS, I had no control over. Whatever.
One of the things I was asked was if I have a history of anxiety and depression. While I've had nothing diagnosed, I mentioned that I'm not feeling particularly unanxious or happy these days. The clinic has some mental health professionals on staff, and she offered to have one call me, which is a lovely sentiment, but I literally have no time to see anyone at the moment. But she would have someone get in touch regardless
Period 2 - no one called.
Period 3 - my coteacher had an observation, so the vice principal was in the room. The lesson did go well, and it has no reflection on me even though I'm also in there, but wouldn't you know that that's when my phone rang?
I ran out of the room, expecting my nurse, but instead getting my financial advisor. She wanted to know if I had signed the required paperwork for the credit card agreements yet. I didn't even know I had to sign them! She couldn't believe how little anyone had told me. Join the club, lady. Luckily, she had already e-mailed me the stuff, and all I would have to do was sign it, take pictures of it, and e-mail it back to her. Of course, these releases need to be signed before I start my treatment TOMORROW, and Jon would have to sign them, and I wouldn't see him until 6:00 tonight or so, and I have to be at the clinic around 6 am tomorrow. Would the paperwork get there in time? I was assured it would.
WHILE I WAS ON THE PHONE, my call waiting went off - also the clinic. Because why would they space their conversations out when they could all call me at once? That wasn't my nurse, either, though; it was someone calling to say that they had called the pharmacy to authorize the overnight delivery of the medication. Good news.
Ran back to the class to apologize to the VP. I wanted to let my principal know what was going on, and he was going to be in the cafeteria watching over lunch for the next hour and a half or so, so I could try to catch him in there.
On my way to my next period, a meeting, I missed a call (because my phone never rang) from the pharmacy. I had a feeling they were going to want my credit card information, so I walked all the way across the building to my classroom to grab that. Before I returned their call, though, I ate lunch. On my way out, I stopped in the student cafeteria to talk to my principal, who was sitting at a lunch table eating his own meal.
"Can I talk to you about something quickly?" I asked him.
"Here?!"
"Preferably not," I replied.
He looked around to try to figure something out; why we couldn't just go to his office for a minute I don't know. But finally, and really, how could I make this up, he said, "Let's go into the freezer." I thought he was kidding - until he walked me into the cafeteria kitchen and held the door to the walk in freezer open for me! So we stood together in a freezer and I told him about my fertility issues. He was very supportive, which was great, but he also said, "And this will always be the day that you told me this in a freezer."
Seriously. IN. A. FREEZER.
Then I went to the bathroom, was down to about 10 minutes until I had my own, solo classes to teach, and called the pharmacy. They had already gotten my prescription information from my nurse, which was great, and now they wanted my credit card info to charge me for the stuff. But they couldn't tell me how much it was going to be. !!! They said I could wait, they would figure it out, and then they'd call me back with the price. The timing made me anxious; could I talk to them as late as 4:30 and still get the stuff in time tomorrow? They assured me I could.
"And do you need to talk to a pharmacist to know how to administer your medication?" I was asked.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT MEDICATION I'M TAKING, LET ALONE HOW TO ADMINISTER IT! How the hell do I give myself a shot? How much of anything do I take, and how often? But I had no time to have that conversation then! At least I know there's someone on call pretty much all the time that I can talk to about that, though I'm hoping people can tell me that tomorrow morning.
Back down to my classroom, where I kept clinging to my cell phone in case the pharmacy called. While I'm the only teacher in the room for my last two classes, I do have an aide in each, luckily. So if I had to run out, I could.
But the pharmacy never called!
After school, I have a club that is loud and hectic, and the phone rang about 10 minutes before I had to walk my kids down to get on the late bus. But it wasn't the pharmacy! It was a therapist from the clinic! "Is this a good time to talk?" she asked.
Ha!
Her office hours are 8-4, so basically the entire school day. Can't call then. She gave me a cell number and said I could call her tomorrow or Wednesday evening. Tomorrow is out. My schedule is - go to the clinic for internal ultrasound/bloodwork at 6am, work, 3:30 chiropractor, 4:30 yoga class, 6:00 massage. (Let's not mention the fact that my mother in law is visiting from another country. She got here yesterday and will be here for four weeks. She's a wonderful, low maintenance woman, but still a thing that's going on in the background.)
Yes. I am stressing about yoga class and getting a massage. Let that sink in.
While I had the kids outside, I missed the phone call from the pharmacy! Yay! But I called them back and got that squared away - another $200.
For those of you keeping tabs, I'm up to $5,200. For a 65% chance to conceive.
Had to sign that paperwork when I got home and get that sent off. And embedded in that I found a thing about an extra charge. If I have more than 12 (either eggs or embryos; I'm not sure, and it'll make a big difference), it'll be $125/embryo more. I just heard of someone today who produced over 30 eggs, 15 embryos. So if I have to pay per egg, it could be a huge difference.
But you want more eggs and embryos! Why should you be punished for being healthy and producing more????
I spoke to my mom, and she told me about someone she knows who had IVF that wasn't covered by insurance; it cost her $30,000 out of pocket for it. The price I was quoted was $12,000. Add the $5,000 that we are paying, and you still don't come anywhere near $30,000. So where is all that extra money hiding? I do know that I asked my financial advisor today about some other procedure my financial packet talks about that is listed at $4,000, and she said we're not there yet. We'll talk about that later when we get there.
How many laters are there going to be? How many hidden fees?
I probably will not be able to find out before the process hits the ground running tomorrow.
Yay.
And to top off the greatest day ever (seriously, I think it has been the most stressful day of my life thus far; hopefully not a preview of things to come), I was doing an MMA style workout when I got home, and I punched myself HARD in the face. I lost a contact lense; not sure if it's in the back of my eye or if it fell out. Gave myself a headache. I'm 90% sure I'll have a black eye tomorrow.
I laughed. You kind of have to.
It mean, it's either that or dwell too long on the fact that 65% isn't the world's greatest odds. And listen to all the negative stories that people tell you. And wonder if you aren't pissing this money down the drain for absolutely nothing.
Some day, I WILL write a book with a scene in a walk in freezer. And everyone will laugh and think, "That could never happen."
Life is stranger than fiction.
It certainly feels like it.
My IVF cycle is scheduled to start TOMORROW. I found out that it was going to happen just six days ago, and now it's here. This has moved so quickly it's unbelievable.
Thanks, Mother Nature!
What has happened since Saturday night:
I got my period on Saturday at 5pm. I need to go get monitored on Day 3 of my cycle. When you get it at 5pm, is that day 1 or not? Would I need to go in on Monday or Tuesday? This would make a difference because of the copious amounts of hormones I will need to take, both through pills and shots (that I'm going to have to administer myself). They have to be shipped from a pharmacy in Massachusetts, and I'm not sure they'd be able to get here in time to start treatment on Monday. (This is recap. Sorry.)
Spoke to someone while driving home yesterday. (Before we spoke, I had a dropped phone call, which made me extremely anxious, a theme of the last few days, since it was a Sunday, and the person didn't call me back for ten minutes or so, so I wasn't sure if they even would.) They said that, as I started my period late on Saturday, Sunday would be my day 1. But would I be able to get the medication in time? Possibly not; my nurse would call me first thing the next morning (Monday) to tell me about the medication.
I woke up this morning thinking that today is the last day of a certain phase of my life. Starting tomorrow, I will be so actively trying to have a baby that it's ridiculous. Today is it. Not sure how many people have such a defining day. A fair amount, but still. Weird.
I went in clinging to my phone, waiting for the call from my nurse. I told my coteacher, who I work with for the entire morning, that I was anticipating calls.
Luckily, I'm free first period, so I was excited when my phone rang and it was the clinic. It wasn't my nurse, though; it was another nurse who I had forgotten called me on Friday morning. I had returned her call and left a voice mail, but she hadn't gotten back to me until just then. She had some health clearance questions to ask me, questions that I feel I've answered about 75 times in the last two months, but sure. When we finished, I was told, "Good thing you answered. I have to clear you of all this before you start your treatment, and you're scheduled to start tomorrow."
"Well," I told her, "I did call you back on Friday, but I was also on a long planned vacation."
"Your timing isn't great if you want to do things this quickly," she snipped at me.
SERIOUSLY?! This is not the first person who has complained to me about my timing, which, PS, I had no control over. Whatever.
One of the things I was asked was if I have a history of anxiety and depression. While I've had nothing diagnosed, I mentioned that I'm not feeling particularly unanxious or happy these days. The clinic has some mental health professionals on staff, and she offered to have one call me, which is a lovely sentiment, but I literally have no time to see anyone at the moment. But she would have someone get in touch regardless
Period 2 - no one called.
Period 3 - my coteacher had an observation, so the vice principal was in the room. The lesson did go well, and it has no reflection on me even though I'm also in there, but wouldn't you know that that's when my phone rang?
I ran out of the room, expecting my nurse, but instead getting my financial advisor. She wanted to know if I had signed the required paperwork for the credit card agreements yet. I didn't even know I had to sign them! She couldn't believe how little anyone had told me. Join the club, lady. Luckily, she had already e-mailed me the stuff, and all I would have to do was sign it, take pictures of it, and e-mail it back to her. Of course, these releases need to be signed before I start my treatment TOMORROW, and Jon would have to sign them, and I wouldn't see him until 6:00 tonight or so, and I have to be at the clinic around 6 am tomorrow. Would the paperwork get there in time? I was assured it would.
WHILE I WAS ON THE PHONE, my call waiting went off - also the clinic. Because why would they space their conversations out when they could all call me at once? That wasn't my nurse, either, though; it was someone calling to say that they had called the pharmacy to authorize the overnight delivery of the medication. Good news.
Ran back to the class to apologize to the VP. I wanted to let my principal know what was going on, and he was going to be in the cafeteria watching over lunch for the next hour and a half or so, so I could try to catch him in there.
On my way to my next period, a meeting, I missed a call (because my phone never rang) from the pharmacy. I had a feeling they were going to want my credit card information, so I walked all the way across the building to my classroom to grab that. Before I returned their call, though, I ate lunch. On my way out, I stopped in the student cafeteria to talk to my principal, who was sitting at a lunch table eating his own meal.
"Can I talk to you about something quickly?" I asked him.
"Here?!"
"Preferably not," I replied.
He looked around to try to figure something out; why we couldn't just go to his office for a minute I don't know. But finally, and really, how could I make this up, he said, "Let's go into the freezer." I thought he was kidding - until he walked me into the cafeteria kitchen and held the door to the walk in freezer open for me! So we stood together in a freezer and I told him about my fertility issues. He was very supportive, which was great, but he also said, "And this will always be the day that you told me this in a freezer."
Seriously. IN. A. FREEZER.
Then I went to the bathroom, was down to about 10 minutes until I had my own, solo classes to teach, and called the pharmacy. They had already gotten my prescription information from my nurse, which was great, and now they wanted my credit card info to charge me for the stuff. But they couldn't tell me how much it was going to be. !!! They said I could wait, they would figure it out, and then they'd call me back with the price. The timing made me anxious; could I talk to them as late as 4:30 and still get the stuff in time tomorrow? They assured me I could.
"And do you need to talk to a pharmacist to know how to administer your medication?" I was asked.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT MEDICATION I'M TAKING, LET ALONE HOW TO ADMINISTER IT! How the hell do I give myself a shot? How much of anything do I take, and how often? But I had no time to have that conversation then! At least I know there's someone on call pretty much all the time that I can talk to about that, though I'm hoping people can tell me that tomorrow morning.
Back down to my classroom, where I kept clinging to my cell phone in case the pharmacy called. While I'm the only teacher in the room for my last two classes, I do have an aide in each, luckily. So if I had to run out, I could.
But the pharmacy never called!
After school, I have a club that is loud and hectic, and the phone rang about 10 minutes before I had to walk my kids down to get on the late bus. But it wasn't the pharmacy! It was a therapist from the clinic! "Is this a good time to talk?" she asked.
Ha!
Her office hours are 8-4, so basically the entire school day. Can't call then. She gave me a cell number and said I could call her tomorrow or Wednesday evening. Tomorrow is out. My schedule is - go to the clinic for internal ultrasound/bloodwork at 6am, work, 3:30 chiropractor, 4:30 yoga class, 6:00 massage. (Let's not mention the fact that my mother in law is visiting from another country. She got here yesterday and will be here for four weeks. She's a wonderful, low maintenance woman, but still a thing that's going on in the background.)
Yes. I am stressing about yoga class and getting a massage. Let that sink in.
While I had the kids outside, I missed the phone call from the pharmacy! Yay! But I called them back and got that squared away - another $200.
For those of you keeping tabs, I'm up to $5,200. For a 65% chance to conceive.
Had to sign that paperwork when I got home and get that sent off. And embedded in that I found a thing about an extra charge. If I have more than 12 (either eggs or embryos; I'm not sure, and it'll make a big difference), it'll be $125/embryo more. I just heard of someone today who produced over 30 eggs, 15 embryos. So if I have to pay per egg, it could be a huge difference.
But you want more eggs and embryos! Why should you be punished for being healthy and producing more????
I spoke to my mom, and she told me about someone she knows who had IVF that wasn't covered by insurance; it cost her $30,000 out of pocket for it. The price I was quoted was $12,000. Add the $5,000 that we are paying, and you still don't come anywhere near $30,000. So where is all that extra money hiding? I do know that I asked my financial advisor today about some other procedure my financial packet talks about that is listed at $4,000, and she said we're not there yet. We'll talk about that later when we get there.
How many laters are there going to be? How many hidden fees?
I probably will not be able to find out before the process hits the ground running tomorrow.
Yay.
And to top off the greatest day ever (seriously, I think it has been the most stressful day of my life thus far; hopefully not a preview of things to come), I was doing an MMA style workout when I got home, and I punched myself HARD in the face. I lost a contact lense; not sure if it's in the back of my eye or if it fell out. Gave myself a headache. I'm 90% sure I'll have a black eye tomorrow.
I laughed. You kind of have to.
It mean, it's either that or dwell too long on the fact that 65% isn't the world's greatest odds. And listen to all the negative stories that people tell you. And wonder if you aren't pissing this money down the drain for absolutely nothing.
Some day, I WILL write a book with a scene in a walk in freezer. And everyone will laugh and think, "That could never happen."
Life is stranger than fiction.
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