Peering Through the Two Week Window
After an embryo transfer, the (what’s the right word/phrase here? Patient? Couple? Woman in question? Desperate sods? Take your pick) has to endure the dreaded two week window (TWW to those of you down with the infertility lingo). This is the two weeks between the transfer and the pregnancy test. Everyone who’s gone through this says it’s the worst, most stressful, longest feeling two weeks of your life.
Luckily, the clinic I’m using only makes you wait 10 days. (Not sure why; assuming it’s because the embryos they use are already 6 days old when implanted, as opposed to clinics that do fresh transfers.) Also luckily, between my job, which is ever unpredictable, and the process of house buying/selling, I didn’t have a huge amount of time to dwell on the impending blood work. I also decided that I wasn’t going to worry too much, and, for possibly the first time ever, I listened to myself. I wasn’t even tempted to take a home pregnancy test. Clinics advise against this because results may be skewed due to all the hormones you take at this time. However, I think the majority of women break down and do it, and with very mixed results. But not me! Go, my powers of resistance, go!
I got nervous the night before the blood test. One of the most nerve wracking parts was whether or not I was going to answer my phone when the call finally came in. During my mornings, I teach with someone else, so I could step out if I had to, and if the news was bad, I could even excuse myself to go cry in the bathroom for a few minutes. But later in the day, what could I do? I do have paraprofessionals that I work with, so I could step out for a few seconds, but I'd have to go right back in and teach. So if there was bad news and I completely broke? Then what?
But then, how do you ignore that phone call?
Wednesday the 9th came. I had my phone on me all morning and figured I would decide if I was going to answer it when it actually rang. I checked it frequently, but nothing. At 11:01, I start teaching on my own, so I actually turned my phone off at 10:59 so I wouldn't have the temptation.
Got through my first half hour class without much of a problem. Then lunch. I put my turned-off phone on the table... And after about 15 minutes, I cracked and turned it on. No voice mail. Argh.
I got up to head to the bathroom 5 minutes later and then - buzz! I did have a voice mail from the clinic! My heart leapt into my throat and I ran to the bathroom. Clicked on the voicemail - but the voice transcriber loaded before the voicemail started playing, so I knew.
I am PREGNANT!
I started shaking and I listened to the voicemail. Meanwhile, my coteacher, who's really been pulling for me (she has two kids and loves being a mom so much), was in the bathroom, too, and knew I was listening. I called out of the stall, "Yes!" and continued listening.
My nurse did say congratulations, but her voice sounded mildly hesitant. She said my hCG level (hCG is the hormone that home pregnancy tests measures) was at 44.7, and they like it to be over 50 at this point. So I wasn't too far off, but it was a little low. Of course that made me nervous. My mind flew back to my chemical pregnancy (the one that I knew about for 24 hours), when my hCG level was 5. Obviously that's a lot lower, but the same basic issue; low hormone level. Would it happen again? Does my body just not want me to carry a child?
But then I actually spoke to my nurse on the phone at the end of the school day, and she sounded much more positive. She congratulated me several times, so that gave me a little more confidence.
I posted the results in the infertility Facebook groups I'm a member of, and a fair few women responded to say that their initial beta levels (beta being post-transfer blood test) were much lower than mine. What mattered more was how much they increased over the next few weeks.
So were we happy? Absolutely. Hubby and I had plenty of hugs and kisses when we saw each other that afternoon. But there was still definitely a hesitence about the thing. That morning before Hubby left the house, he had said to me, "This is the biggest hurdle we have to get over."
"No," I corrected him. "This is just one hurdle."
So we were over the one.
Then an approximate one million people found out. I've said it frequently here, but I'll say it again - I'm very open about the process we've been going through. That means that a lot of people were aware that I was having the test on Wednesday morning, so of course they all wanted to know the results.
Is it a bad idea for a lot of friends and family to know that I'm pregnant so early into the process? I know a lot of people these days would say yes, that you're not supposed to tell anyone until the first trimester is over because every pregnancy is on the rocks until then. But my thinking is that if I miscarry, it's going to be all over my face anyway. How would I hide that news from anyone? And why wouldn't I want the support of my literal and figurative family at that time? So fuck it. Everyone knows. That's settled.
I had to go for more blood work on Friday morning, two days after the initial test. My nurse had told me that my hCG levels had to increase 66%. I had asked for more prayers from anyone who was willing to offer them up. I had given some of my own, which is a relatively new thing for me. I also straight up demanded of the universe that it let me keep this. This is something I want and deserve. (This is not how I usually talk to myself, but what the hell.) And I demanded that my hCG level be 128. Yeah, I know, that's way more than a 66% increase, but it's my lucky number. (I was kind of working this law of attraction style. I'm a bit new agey that way.)
I tried not to worry too much about the phone ringing that day. The phone rang once during the morning, and I jumped up - but it wasn't the clinic. It rang again in the afternoon in a class where I wouldn't have a problem ducking out for a minute - but that wasn't it, either. Then, in my most difficult class, where my para was absent, the clinic finally called. Of course. Argh.
I checked the message once the school day ended. "Hi, Shauna," my nurse started, and I could already hear a note of disappointment in her voice. Shit. "We got your bloodwork back, and your levels have increased." She still didn't sound optimistic, so I was waiting for a but. "Um, they're at 126.3."
Wait, what?! We wanted them to go up 66%, and they more than doubled, and you're not particularly happy about this? What the hell, nurse?! Why were you not like, "Yay, congratulations!"?
"We're still keeping an eye on them," she went on. "So come back in on Sunday for more blood work. Okay. See you then."
I complain, but really, woohoo! More than doubled! And, not for nothing, 126.3 is awfully close to the 128 I asked for. I texted hubby, and he pointed out that my levels would have been at 128 by the time I got the call. So technically, I got it. Score.
As much of a relief as the initial news was, this news was almost more so. Almost. But at least I knew things were coming along well, and maybe it's not my uterus that's the enemy.
Sunday morning, more blood work. I demanded 275 from the universe for that one since it's normal for hCG to double every 48-72 hours at this point. Maybe 275 was aiming a little high, but why not reach for the moon? If I only got 200, we'd still be okay. And when the phone call came in around noon, what were my levels? 422!!!! Way more than double in 48 hours! Hubby and I did a little happy dance around the living room. We've been joking that, who knows, it could end up being twins, as 30% of IVF babies are. (Don't worry, it's kind of a joke, and a lot of people online have assured me that their levels were just as high, and they didn't end up with twins. Not that it would be the end of the world. I just don't even know how to deal with one baby, truth be told, so two would be really special.)
Next step: Friday morning I have more bloodwork and my first ultrasound! The baby (if it can even really be called that at the moment) is still super small, so we're really only looking for a "gestational sack," which sounds absolutley delicious. But it's very exciting, either way.
Everything else is kind of weird. I still have no symptoms, which is typical for how new this is. I'm pretty sure that most people don't even know they're pregnant when they're as early along as I am. And how early is that? Well, that's a good question. I'm not even 100% sure. It's a question I have for them on Friday. I was laying on the couch reading What to Expect When You're Expecting, which I got at the thrift store for $1.50, and I learned that during the first "2 weeks" of a woman's pregnancy, she's not even pregnant. Since the only thing doctors know for sure is the day of her last period, the first "week" of pregnancy is the week after your period, and the second is the week after that, which is ovulation. Then in weeks 3 and 4 you get to conception and implantation.
In my book, that means I'm more like 5-6 weeks pregnant rather than 3-4, since I went right to the implantation step. I don't know. Random interesting facts.
The one symptom I've been having, actually, is being a bit tired. I've napped every day for the past three, barely making it home from wherever I am. Of course, it could just be that it's still winter and it's still getting dark out early, but it could be that I'm growing a teeny, tiny human inside me.
Hubby was really cute last night. He started looking up how big the baby will be when - now she's somewhere between a poppy seed and a sesame seed, and soon she'll be a sunflower seed. We looked at some 3D renderings just to see how weird and alien looking babies are at this point in their existence. It's adorable how excited he is.
I know. We might be getting a little ahead of ourselves. But we're not going to think negatively about this. I'm feeling good, no bleeding in sight, levels seems to be going well.
We'll see what Friday brings.
Note: Please do not leave comments of congratulations on my Facebook page, as I'm not making this news 2,000% public yet. While I'm sharing it here and a lot of people do know, I'd rather not the entirety of social media be in on it. Either comment here or send me a private message. Thanks!
Luckily, the clinic I’m using only makes you wait 10 days. (Not sure why; assuming it’s because the embryos they use are already 6 days old when implanted, as opposed to clinics that do fresh transfers.) Also luckily, between my job, which is ever unpredictable, and the process of house buying/selling, I didn’t have a huge amount of time to dwell on the impending blood work. I also decided that I wasn’t going to worry too much, and, for possibly the first time ever, I listened to myself. I wasn’t even tempted to take a home pregnancy test. Clinics advise against this because results may be skewed due to all the hormones you take at this time. However, I think the majority of women break down and do it, and with very mixed results. But not me! Go, my powers of resistance, go!
I got nervous the night before the blood test. One of the most nerve wracking parts was whether or not I was going to answer my phone when the call finally came in. During my mornings, I teach with someone else, so I could step out if I had to, and if the news was bad, I could even excuse myself to go cry in the bathroom for a few minutes. But later in the day, what could I do? I do have paraprofessionals that I work with, so I could step out for a few seconds, but I'd have to go right back in and teach. So if there was bad news and I completely broke? Then what?
But then, how do you ignore that phone call?
Wednesday the 9th came. I had my phone on me all morning and figured I would decide if I was going to answer it when it actually rang. I checked it frequently, but nothing. At 11:01, I start teaching on my own, so I actually turned my phone off at 10:59 so I wouldn't have the temptation.
Got through my first half hour class without much of a problem. Then lunch. I put my turned-off phone on the table... And after about 15 minutes, I cracked and turned it on. No voice mail. Argh.
I got up to head to the bathroom 5 minutes later and then - buzz! I did have a voice mail from the clinic! My heart leapt into my throat and I ran to the bathroom. Clicked on the voicemail - but the voice transcriber loaded before the voicemail started playing, so I knew.
I am PREGNANT!
I started shaking and I listened to the voicemail. Meanwhile, my coteacher, who's really been pulling for me (she has two kids and loves being a mom so much), was in the bathroom, too, and knew I was listening. I called out of the stall, "Yes!" and continued listening.
My nurse did say congratulations, but her voice sounded mildly hesitant. She said my hCG level (hCG is the hormone that home pregnancy tests measures) was at 44.7, and they like it to be over 50 at this point. So I wasn't too far off, but it was a little low. Of course that made me nervous. My mind flew back to my chemical pregnancy (the one that I knew about for 24 hours), when my hCG level was 5. Obviously that's a lot lower, but the same basic issue; low hormone level. Would it happen again? Does my body just not want me to carry a child?
But then I actually spoke to my nurse on the phone at the end of the school day, and she sounded much more positive. She congratulated me several times, so that gave me a little more confidence.
I posted the results in the infertility Facebook groups I'm a member of, and a fair few women responded to say that their initial beta levels (beta being post-transfer blood test) were much lower than mine. What mattered more was how much they increased over the next few weeks.
So were we happy? Absolutely. Hubby and I had plenty of hugs and kisses when we saw each other that afternoon. But there was still definitely a hesitence about the thing. That morning before Hubby left the house, he had said to me, "This is the biggest hurdle we have to get over."
"No," I corrected him. "This is just one hurdle."
So we were over the one.
Then an approximate one million people found out. I've said it frequently here, but I'll say it again - I'm very open about the process we've been going through. That means that a lot of people were aware that I was having the test on Wednesday morning, so of course they all wanted to know the results.
Is it a bad idea for a lot of friends and family to know that I'm pregnant so early into the process? I know a lot of people these days would say yes, that you're not supposed to tell anyone until the first trimester is over because every pregnancy is on the rocks until then. But my thinking is that if I miscarry, it's going to be all over my face anyway. How would I hide that news from anyone? And why wouldn't I want the support of my literal and figurative family at that time? So fuck it. Everyone knows. That's settled.
I had to go for more blood work on Friday morning, two days after the initial test. My nurse had told me that my hCG levels had to increase 66%. I had asked for more prayers from anyone who was willing to offer them up. I had given some of my own, which is a relatively new thing for me. I also straight up demanded of the universe that it let me keep this. This is something I want and deserve. (This is not how I usually talk to myself, but what the hell.) And I demanded that my hCG level be 128. Yeah, I know, that's way more than a 66% increase, but it's my lucky number. (I was kind of working this law of attraction style. I'm a bit new agey that way.)
I tried not to worry too much about the phone ringing that day. The phone rang once during the morning, and I jumped up - but it wasn't the clinic. It rang again in the afternoon in a class where I wouldn't have a problem ducking out for a minute - but that wasn't it, either. Then, in my most difficult class, where my para was absent, the clinic finally called. Of course. Argh.
I checked the message once the school day ended. "Hi, Shauna," my nurse started, and I could already hear a note of disappointment in her voice. Shit. "We got your bloodwork back, and your levels have increased." She still didn't sound optimistic, so I was waiting for a but. "Um, they're at 126.3."
Wait, what?! We wanted them to go up 66%, and they more than doubled, and you're not particularly happy about this? What the hell, nurse?! Why were you not like, "Yay, congratulations!"?
"We're still keeping an eye on them," she went on. "So come back in on Sunday for more blood work. Okay. See you then."
I complain, but really, woohoo! More than doubled! And, not for nothing, 126.3 is awfully close to the 128 I asked for. I texted hubby, and he pointed out that my levels would have been at 128 by the time I got the call. So technically, I got it. Score.
As much of a relief as the initial news was, this news was almost more so. Almost. But at least I knew things were coming along well, and maybe it's not my uterus that's the enemy.
Sunday morning, more blood work. I demanded 275 from the universe for that one since it's normal for hCG to double every 48-72 hours at this point. Maybe 275 was aiming a little high, but why not reach for the moon? If I only got 200, we'd still be okay. And when the phone call came in around noon, what were my levels? 422!!!! Way more than double in 48 hours! Hubby and I did a little happy dance around the living room. We've been joking that, who knows, it could end up being twins, as 30% of IVF babies are. (Don't worry, it's kind of a joke, and a lot of people online have assured me that their levels were just as high, and they didn't end up with twins. Not that it would be the end of the world. I just don't even know how to deal with one baby, truth be told, so two would be really special.)
Next step: Friday morning I have more bloodwork and my first ultrasound! The baby (if it can even really be called that at the moment) is still super small, so we're really only looking for a "gestational sack," which sounds absolutley delicious. But it's very exciting, either way.
Everything else is kind of weird. I still have no symptoms, which is typical for how new this is. I'm pretty sure that most people don't even know they're pregnant when they're as early along as I am. And how early is that? Well, that's a good question. I'm not even 100% sure. It's a question I have for them on Friday. I was laying on the couch reading What to Expect When You're Expecting, which I got at the thrift store for $1.50, and I learned that during the first "2 weeks" of a woman's pregnancy, she's not even pregnant. Since the only thing doctors know for sure is the day of her last period, the first "week" of pregnancy is the week after your period, and the second is the week after that, which is ovulation. Then in weeks 3 and 4 you get to conception and implantation.
In my book, that means I'm more like 5-6 weeks pregnant rather than 3-4, since I went right to the implantation step. I don't know. Random interesting facts.
The one symptom I've been having, actually, is being a bit tired. I've napped every day for the past three, barely making it home from wherever I am. Of course, it could just be that it's still winter and it's still getting dark out early, but it could be that I'm growing a teeny, tiny human inside me.
Hubby was really cute last night. He started looking up how big the baby will be when - now she's somewhere between a poppy seed and a sesame seed, and soon she'll be a sunflower seed. We looked at some 3D renderings just to see how weird and alien looking babies are at this point in their existence. It's adorable how excited he is.
I know. We might be getting a little ahead of ourselves. But we're not going to think negatively about this. I'm feeling good, no bleeding in sight, levels seems to be going well.
We'll see what Friday brings.
Note: Please do not leave comments of congratulations on my Facebook page, as I'm not making this news 2,000% public yet. While I'm sharing it here and a lot of people do know, I'd rather not the entirety of social media be in on it. Either comment here or send me a private message. Thanks!
<3
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