Heart Beats and Hunger
Being on bed rest for several days was not the most fun I've ever had. I'm a writer and a reader, and a lot of people (including me) thought I'd get so much of that done. But how could I do as much as I wanted when there are fun, time wasting phone games and episodes of "This is Us" to be watched? Plus my parents came to visit. They brought me lunch one day; pho, a delicious Vietnamese soup. Unfortunately, the pho that we order is served with raw beef that does get cooked by the steam from the soup, though not when you get it to go. It also comes with a heap of bean sprouts, which aren't recommended for pregnant women due to salmonella. I still had delicious noodle soup, but it cut out the enjoyment a smidge.
That weekend, we had dinner with some family friends of my parents. Their daughter, her husband, and their two children were there. Amazingly, it's still not the easiest for me to be around young families. It's easier than it was, but it still feels like a reminder that we started too late. That maybe if we had started trying earlier, this would have been an easier process. I'd be part of the club of people my age who know what it's like to have kids rather than still wondering about it. I could participate in conversations in my faculty room rather than sitting there silently, not being a part of the thing everyone is talking about. I know that that's kind of dumb, but I can't help the emotions.
Not to mention how much anxiety I've had since the bleeding incident. Every time I go to the bathroom, every time I think I feel something, my heart skips several beats. Amazingly, I've spoken to so many women who had similar incidents when they were pregnant. All books and websites about pregnancy say that bright red blood is a big warning sign, though apparently it's super common.
Hear that ladies? Do NOT panic if you start bleeding while pregnant. In fact, I had some more very minor bleeding later the next week, and my nurse assured me that as long as you're not soaking through a pad each hour, it's totally normal. You can bleed every day of your pregnancy, and it's not that concerning. You don't need to immediately jump to the worst case scenario.
I say this because I've spent more time in supportive Facebook groups and on a few message boards, and I've seen a lot of negativity surround bleeding and miscarriages. A woman might post that she's experiencing bleeding, and so many are quick to tell them that they experienced the same thing and did eventually miscarry. It's so upsetting; when I was experiencing the same thing, I got a lot of positive messages from people. Why, the next day, I've seen so much negativity is beyond me. I understand that some people probably want to be realistic and tell someone the truth, but, the platitude I've come to recite the most, Every pregnancy is different. No one needs to see six different stories of miscarriage in their feed.
I've also had a fair few women tell me all about their miscarriages in person. Yup. Just my favorite topic of conversation these days.
We had our appointment on the 28, and everything went well. We saw our baby again; she had grown to 6.63 mm, more than doubling in size from the previous viewing. (Is viewing the right word?) We also got to hear her heartbeat, which had increased accordingly. Sadly, the doctor only played it for us briefly. She pointed out that she could see the heartbeat, which looked like a candle flickering, but it wasn't easy for me to see. Still cool, though.
In general, being pregnant hasn't been the world's greatest feeling. My mom raved about it and said she adored it. I've been burdened with just enough nausea and cramping that I feel mildly uncomfortable and make a lot of faces. The other night, I was going to do some walking in place to burn a few calories, but the nausea wouldn't allow it. I hate feeling sorry for myself and complaining about it, but I guess you wouldn't know to listen to me.
Although, honestly, for the most part, there are no symptoms. There are times that I even forget I'm pregnant. After everything we've been through, that is another strange piece to this puzzle. The whole idea that a woman can be growing another human inside of her for two months and it barely feels like anything is different...
Oh, but my tastes have started to change. All I want to eat is food that is salty, greasy, and awful for you. I'm trying to think that salad sounds delicious, but my brain just wants a McDonald's bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit, hash browns, and orange juice. Because, and I know this will be hard for anyone who knows me to believe, I don't want coffee these days. I KNOW! COFFEE! MY LIFEBLOOD! I've heard that it absolutely disgusts some people when they're pregnant, and it's not at that level with me, I'm just not interested. I never thought I'd see the day.
Oh, coffee. I know you and I will find each other again someday. But right now, we're on a break.
Also, the amount of food that I'm eating is weird. I'll try to eat in moderation, and an hour later, my stomach is GROWLING. So then I'll eat more, and sometimes I end up feeling so full that I'm uncomfortable. And sometimes, I feel simultaneously hungry and full. That shouldn't be possible, but it regularly is. It's driving me crazy.
We had another clinic appointment this past Monday. It was our final one. Now I'm going to be able to just be a normal OB-GYN patient. No more working with the doctors and nurses who've been helping me all these months. I know it's a good thing, but it's a bit bittersweet.
My parents both wanted to come to this appointment. The rooms there are small, and hey, I'm not wearing clothes from the waist down, but sure Mom and Dad, come on in. In all honesty, it was nice to have the support and I shouldn't complain. There are some people who go to these appointments with no one, and I have my husband and parents by my side. Or by my bottom. Or whatever.
This was probably the best appointment yet. Little girl is still there, still growing. Now she's over 14 mm, right on track for how far along I am (8 weeks this past Wednesday). Her heart beat sounded strong and steady, and this time it was easy to see it beating. We have a whole new role of pictures; we're going to have a full album of before she's born before all is said and done. The best part was that my doctor told me that at this point, there's a less than 5% chance that anything bad will happen. You wouldn't think it to read horror stories online, but I believe the actual medical professional here. It's helped calm me down a lot. All hormone levels are still good, and I've even been given permission to switch from progesterone injections to suppositories. Of course, we still have a good deal of progesterone injections, and suppositories are supposed to be taken three times a day (so does that mean I'd have to do one at work? Yikes!), so I'm sticking with that for now.
No coffee and extra shots? Who am I?
That weekend, we had dinner with some family friends of my parents. Their daughter, her husband, and their two children were there. Amazingly, it's still not the easiest for me to be around young families. It's easier than it was, but it still feels like a reminder that we started too late. That maybe if we had started trying earlier, this would have been an easier process. I'd be part of the club of people my age who know what it's like to have kids rather than still wondering about it. I could participate in conversations in my faculty room rather than sitting there silently, not being a part of the thing everyone is talking about. I know that that's kind of dumb, but I can't help the emotions.
Not to mention how much anxiety I've had since the bleeding incident. Every time I go to the bathroom, every time I think I feel something, my heart skips several beats. Amazingly, I've spoken to so many women who had similar incidents when they were pregnant. All books and websites about pregnancy say that bright red blood is a big warning sign, though apparently it's super common.
Hear that ladies? Do NOT panic if you start bleeding while pregnant. In fact, I had some more very minor bleeding later the next week, and my nurse assured me that as long as you're not soaking through a pad each hour, it's totally normal. You can bleed every day of your pregnancy, and it's not that concerning. You don't need to immediately jump to the worst case scenario.
I say this because I've spent more time in supportive Facebook groups and on a few message boards, and I've seen a lot of negativity surround bleeding and miscarriages. A woman might post that she's experiencing bleeding, and so many are quick to tell them that they experienced the same thing and did eventually miscarry. It's so upsetting; when I was experiencing the same thing, I got a lot of positive messages from people. Why, the next day, I've seen so much negativity is beyond me. I understand that some people probably want to be realistic and tell someone the truth, but, the platitude I've come to recite the most, Every pregnancy is different. No one needs to see six different stories of miscarriage in their feed.
I've also had a fair few women tell me all about their miscarriages in person. Yup. Just my favorite topic of conversation these days.
We had our appointment on the 28, and everything went well. We saw our baby again; she had grown to 6.63 mm, more than doubling in size from the previous viewing. (Is viewing the right word?) We also got to hear her heartbeat, which had increased accordingly. Sadly, the doctor only played it for us briefly. She pointed out that she could see the heartbeat, which looked like a candle flickering, but it wasn't easy for me to see. Still cool, though.
In general, being pregnant hasn't been the world's greatest feeling. My mom raved about it and said she adored it. I've been burdened with just enough nausea and cramping that I feel mildly uncomfortable and make a lot of faces. The other night, I was going to do some walking in place to burn a few calories, but the nausea wouldn't allow it. I hate feeling sorry for myself and complaining about it, but I guess you wouldn't know to listen to me.
Although, honestly, for the most part, there are no symptoms. There are times that I even forget I'm pregnant. After everything we've been through, that is another strange piece to this puzzle. The whole idea that a woman can be growing another human inside of her for two months and it barely feels like anything is different...
Oh, but my tastes have started to change. All I want to eat is food that is salty, greasy, and awful for you. I'm trying to think that salad sounds delicious, but my brain just wants a McDonald's bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit, hash browns, and orange juice. Because, and I know this will be hard for anyone who knows me to believe, I don't want coffee these days. I KNOW! COFFEE! MY LIFEBLOOD! I've heard that it absolutely disgusts some people when they're pregnant, and it's not at that level with me, I'm just not interested. I never thought I'd see the day.
Oh, coffee. I know you and I will find each other again someday. But right now, we're on a break.
Also, the amount of food that I'm eating is weird. I'll try to eat in moderation, and an hour later, my stomach is GROWLING. So then I'll eat more, and sometimes I end up feeling so full that I'm uncomfortable. And sometimes, I feel simultaneously hungry and full. That shouldn't be possible, but it regularly is. It's driving me crazy.
We had another clinic appointment this past Monday. It was our final one. Now I'm going to be able to just be a normal OB-GYN patient. No more working with the doctors and nurses who've been helping me all these months. I know it's a good thing, but it's a bit bittersweet.
My parents both wanted to come to this appointment. The rooms there are small, and hey, I'm not wearing clothes from the waist down, but sure Mom and Dad, come on in. In all honesty, it was nice to have the support and I shouldn't complain. There are some people who go to these appointments with no one, and I have my husband and parents by my side. Or by my bottom. Or whatever.
This was probably the best appointment yet. Little girl is still there, still growing. Now she's over 14 mm, right on track for how far along I am (8 weeks this past Wednesday). Her heart beat sounded strong and steady, and this time it was easy to see it beating. We have a whole new role of pictures; we're going to have a full album of before she's born before all is said and done. The best part was that my doctor told me that at this point, there's a less than 5% chance that anything bad will happen. You wouldn't think it to read horror stories online, but I believe the actual medical professional here. It's helped calm me down a lot. All hormone levels are still good, and I've even been given permission to switch from progesterone injections to suppositories. Of course, we still have a good deal of progesterone injections, and suppositories are supposed to be taken three times a day (so does that mean I'd have to do one at work? Yikes!), so I'm sticking with that for now.
No coffee and extra shots? Who am I?
Good luck! We’re all rooting for you!
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