Sugary Car Rides and Bathing Suits

This week, I had the dreaded glucose test. People complain so vehemently about how disgusting the sugary drink you’re made to consume is, I didn’t know what to expect. Really, it just tasted like orange flavored water with a little extra sugar, but it wasn’t by any means awful. I was also nervous because I (normally) have hypoglycemia, or low blood sugar, and drinking something like that could lead me to pass out, or at least feel extremely weak and faint. I was sure that by the end of the hour you have to wait before having blood drawn, I’d barely be able to stand up, and no doubt I would pass out as soon as the needle went into my arm.

But, thanks to a good book, the hour went quickly. I never felt any difference in my blood sugar. (Is that good or bad? Not sure.) The phlebotomist I had was extremely nice, too, which was a welcome change of pace. She noticed my small veins and used a pediatric needle, and she had no trouble at all getting into the vein, which would normally dodge out of the way. No passing out. Amazing, really.

My mom asked me a few days later if I had the results yet, and I laughed. My doctor won’t call me with the results. He’ll wait until my next appointment on July 8, and he probably won’t even tell me then how it went unless I ask. Mom pointed out that they’d probably call me if there was an issue, which is most likely true. I’ll take the fact that they haven’t called yet almost a week later as a good sign (she said, sitting next to a 2 pound bag of Sour Patch Kids).

This is becoming the summer of road trips. My parents “gave us a trip” to Tennessee for Christmas. They have a great timeshare (which probably seems an oxymoronic phrase, but I promise, it’s true) that operates on points rather than by location.

Some boring background on “why Tennessee:” Jon and I love to travel in the summer, and we usually go abroad. We go somewhere crazy and exotic (India, Israel, Norway, Italy, Germany) for a week or two before spending another two to three weeks with his family in Wales, so we’re gone for about a month. But fiveish years ago, I had to take three classes to finish my masters’ degree in a single summer, and it was all offered at a grueling pace. We didn’t have time for a big vacation, so we planned a road trip to Tennessee. My parents had driven there when I was about a year old; they didn’t have a lot of money, but they always raved about how wonderful the trip was. (Believe it or not, I have no memory of that one.) We did a real fly-by-the-seat-of-our-pants kind of trip, booking hotels as we went and discovering some really interesting places along the way. We especially fell in love with the town of Gatlinburg, a super cheesy tourist trap nestled in the Great Smoky Mountains.

So since we were hoping to be quite pregnant by the summer, my parents booked a trip for the 4 (½) of us at their timeshare’s Sevierville location, a 5-10 minute drive from Gatlinburg. I’ve done some research on the ridiculous touristy things there are to do in the area, and we’re armed with that list in my wallet. G-burg is only about 10 hours away by car, which probably sounds like a ridiculous statement, but we used to have a condo in South Florida. We’d drive there once or twice a year, and that was about a 24 hour drive, so we’d do about 12 hours a day. Ten overall is nothing in comparison.

I asked the doctor about any concerns for the car journey. He recommended getting support stockings to wear on my legs and to stop every 1-2 hours for a brief walk to prevent blood clots. Not that any of his patients have developed any in the 20 plus years he’s been practicing, but it’s a possibility. (And, incidentally, developing a blood clot from flying and not wearing the stockings is how my grandfather died - he threw the clot into his heart, and that was that, so I don’t want to take any risks.) I’m not really sure how support stockings actually work. Wearing tight socks somehow keeps your blood flowing well? (It’s a rhetorical question; no snarky science responses needed.)

There’s also the funny thought that someone else pointed out to me - oftentimes, pregnant women get put on bed rest, so they’re stuck sitting around in the same position for most of the day, and they’re not advised against blood clots. But whatever. Support stockings acquired, frequent brief walking stops will be taken.

My parents also gave my mom’s brother and sister and her boyfriend a trip to Orlando using their timeshare for the holidays, but due to some unforeseen circumstances, my aunt’s boyfriend probably isn’t going. So my mom decided Jon and I should go to Florida and Disney World with them. They haven’t been to the park since it opened, and we have a pretty good handle on how to get around.

So now it seems that two days after we return from Tennessee, we’ll be getting into another car to drive to Orlando. A slightly longer trip. We are definitely looking forward to it; we LOVE a good Disney trip. We went on our honeymoon and have our bride and groom Mickey and Minnie ears. Those things are invaluable - staff throw free things at you when you wear them - fast passes, champagne, desserts. We’ve worn them on our one post-honeymoon trip, but truthfully, the staff don’t know it’s not your honeymoon, and we told them it was our fifth anniversary if they did ask. (Really we’d been married for almost six years and the trip was to celebrate Jon’s birthday, but whatever.) Can’t wait to see how they’ll treat us with wearing those AND being nearly 7 months pregnant.

Walking around Orlando in July and being that pregnant will be interesting in itself. We’re aware we won’t be able to go at our normal neck breaking, leg aching pace, but that might not be possible with my aunt and uncle anyway. Luckily, since Disney is so family friendly, there are a really good amount of rides I can do. I’m not big on roller coasters, anyway, though there are some great rides I won’t be able to go on that I’m silently lamenting. But we’ll do what we can and stay optimistic.

And get one of those free “It’s my first trip to Disney!” buttons and stick it on my stomach.

Meanwhile, my mom decided I should get a maternity bathing suit. I know the timeshares have nice pools, so I tried a suit that I already have on, and it seemed to fit okay, but after mom mentioned it, it got in my head. She also has plans to bring me to pools that some of her friends belong to throughout the summer, so I would be wearing a suit more than once or twice. And even though the one I have fits, I’m not sure how long it’ll fit for since it’s not equipped to stretch.

I just loathe the idea of spending a ton of money on a bathing suit, even at the best of times. Clothes aren’t usually high on my list of items I spend a lot  on, not one of my stronger priorities. I looked on Amazon to try to find something, but I didn’t have a lot of luck. I need a bathing suit that has either a skirt or boy short bottom because, not to be too vulgar, but shaving my bikini line is not happening these days, at least not easily and evenly. Trying to move my solid stomach out of the way isn’t exactly possible. And as many people got to see my lady parts during the whole IVF situation, I’m not one to go shoving it in move people’s faces for waxing.

So we went bathing suit shopping. Mom’s friend had found some decent maternity suits on Target’s website, and I’ve been really happy with their maternity clothes in general, so that’s where we started, but strangely, we couldn’t find anything. We weren’t even sure if we should look in maternity or bathing suits.

Okay. So then we headed to the mall and walked from one end to the other to the other to the other - the mall is in the shape of a cross. We tried every department store, and in most of them, we couldn’t even find a maternity department without asking. Then we were sent in the wrong direction half the time. When we finally did find them, they were all run by the near monopoly that is Motherhood Maternity. But no bathing suits.

The whole ordeal was exhausting. Mom just couldn’t get over how little pregnant woman actually count for. I could; I reminded her that my job views me as sick and disabled, and that’s the only way I’m going to get paid while I’m at home taking care of my new little bundle of joy (please read that statement with as much sarcasm as your brains will allow).

We finally ended up in Sears, where Mom asked a woman at the jewelry counter about their maternity department. They just straight up no longer have one. The woman, who was probably in her late 60s-early 70s, said, “They’re pretty outdated. Women aren’t really wearing maternity things anymore. They’re just wearing larger sizes.”

Okay, speaking as an     ACTUAL pregnant person, not one who hasn’t been pregnant in 30-40 years, this is NOT true. When you wear bigger clothes, you kind of look like you’re wearing a tent. Every now and then I find a shirt I can still squeeze into in my preexisting wardrobe, and I’m hoping to get into a few of my dresses, but my extensive collection of long skirts is an absolute no go this summer.

Of course, she may have just been talking about bathing suits. I tried a few on in larger sizes and found two that we ended up buying. One does look really nice; the other is a bit tentish, but at least it does the trick. (A shame because it would be absolutely adorable if I weren’t pregnant this year. Not that I’d rather have a cute bathing suit than a baby, though.) I just hope they don’t suddenly cease fitting in a few weeks time, as I’m now in the phase where baby girl is going to just put on a bunch of weight. My stomach is sure to continue to get larger and larger, and I dread to think we just spent money on something that I’ll be able to wear once and that’s it. (I know, I know; a lot of baby clothes get worn once before baby grows out of them or soils them so badly they get ruined, but that’s why we’re buying most of ours at the thrift store - they have plenty of things that still have their original tags on them but only cost $2.)

Luckily, no one has randomly come up and started feeling up my stomach yet. My mom or some other friend or family member might, but no strangers. It’d be great if that kept up.

In honor of BG’s first trip to Disney, I had to buy some kind of cheesy pregnancy shirt. I’m not usually into those things, but there are some really great Disney ones. Being a massive Star Wars nerd, this is the one I went with: https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/ya?ac=bia&ref=ppx_pop_mob_b_bia_item&reorder_params=B06ZY2PQP1%2C114-0998199-8028257

That’ll be fun to wear.

I’m glad to say the lack-of-baby-blues seems so far removed at this point I can barely remember what it felt like. I can’t believe the insane urgency with which I wanted to get pregnant. I also can’t believe how calm we still are about the whole thing. I figured by now we’d be getting nervous about how unprepared we are to be parents, or I’d be dreading the impending pain of birth, but neither of those is the case. Pain? Yeah, it’ll be awful, but I’ve heard the cyst that was twisting my ovary just over a year ago can sometimes be as painful as giving birth, so I’ve sort of had some practice in that department. And, as the age old adage goes, if it was that bad, women wouldn’t have more than one.

Also, whatever. Just give me an epidural and let’s keep it moving.

And in terms of not knowing what we’re doing? We’ve basically resigned to the fact that pretty much no adult ever knows what they’re doing about anything. This will be no different.

We’ll figure it out as we go, just like everyone else.