Showers of
I can't believe, after all we've been through, we've finally made it here. To the other side of the baby shower.
It was this past Sunday, but we started to set up on Friday. It was at our house. If you haven't figured it out by now, I'm not one for cheesy traditions. I didn't want shower games (blech - sorry if you like them, but I think you're in a minority), a crowd of exclusively women commiserating over being a mom, and opening a load of presents everyone knows you're getting anyway. Instead, we got to show off our new house, invite husbands and children (we borrowed a bouncy castle from a friend that was a big hit), have a bbq truck with delicious food (sorry if there wasn't enough for vegetarians and vegans - I didn't see the menu until the day of as I didn't book the truck), and ask people not to waste paper by bringing presents unwrapped.
On Friday and Saturday, I kept having a huge feeling of relief. We made it. We got this far. We should be good and safe from here on in. (Not being unrealistic, but thinking positively.) It's one of those time distortion feelings. We had our first phone consultation with the fertility clinic about a year ago, and we couldn't have our first meeting with them for several weeks. It was so frustrating to have to wait that long. We didn't make a plan for what to do until November. By that time, three months had passed, and it felt like three years. And when I was told I'd have to wait six weeks after my retrieval for the FET, I was devastated at how much time that was.
But now, here we are. A year later, and we're just three weeks out from holding our baby girl in our arms. The amount of stuff we've gone through in just a year to get here is almost unfathomable. And I know people who have been on this journey for well over a year already, or people who have gone through the IVF process multiple times and failed. Though it was difficult and painful and angering and depressing, we're so lucky to have had things go about as quickly as they could have.
The shower was great. I really have no idea how many people were there. (I guess once I'm done writing Thank You notes I'll have some ballpark figure.) My mom initially thought we were going to have 80ish, and then that turned into 100, and by Saturday she was guesstimating 130 and worrying if we were going to have enough food for everyone.
That didn't end up being an issue at all. In fact, we now have a freezer full of meat and mac and cheese from the party, which is great. We're probably almost out of room in our freezer, as Jon has been making meals to stick in there so we won't have to do much cooking once Baby Girl has arrived.
The number of people was overwhelming in terms of my getting to spend any time with anyone, and we had quite a few people who made 2 hour drives to be here. It was humbling, and whenever I did have a quiet moment, I was nearly moved to tears by how many people care about us to support us. We received so many gifts our registry is nearly complete. The most essential items, at least, are all purchased. And we still have a few things to exchange, and more than a few gift cards that will help us with what's left.
More luck, and certainly lots of love.
I have to keep moments like that in mind when I have other moments that aren't quite as lucky.
Like the next part. It's going to get a bit physically graphic, so if you're not into reading about what doctors do to women in routine check ups, go ahead and skip ahead a bit. (Honestly, I can't believe I'm putting this all in writing and then pushing it out into the universe, but I think I've already written similar things, and I'm pretty bent on being honest here.)
I had an OB appointment on Monday. They've become pretty routine, though I did think I had the Strep B test ahead of me. I had read about it and had a friend explain it to me. Apparently Strep B infects about 25% of pregnant women, and though it doesn't do anything to them, it can cause serious issues for newborns. If you're found to have it, you can be given antibiotics during birth to prevent that.
So since that had to happen, this was one of those undress-from-the-waist-down kind of appointments. The nurse led me to believe that'll be all of them from now on, which I definitely wasn't aware of. But okay. I had more than enough of that at RMA, although that was seven months ago at this point.
The doctor came in and measured my stomach. No comments, so I guess I'm measuring well. Then out came the cotton swab, which was probably four times the size of an average Q-tip, and in and around it went. And I'm going to tell you something - it wasn't unpainful. I made a few noises I'm pretty sure conveyed that.
"Yeah, I don't know why that bothers people so much," the doctor said nonchalantly.
I had to really bite my tongue on that one. Listen, doc, you are lacking the essential lady parts to understand what having them actually feels like. And, believe it or not, women don't live to go around shoving stuff up them, no matter what size those things are. I know a cotton swab probably doesn't seem like it would feel like anything, but it does. Jon was sitting in the room, and he said he also struggled not to say at that point, "Don't be such a man about this."
I miss the caring women of the clinic who were extremely comforting whenever I was scared or in pain or crying. I totally get why women only want to have women OB-GYNs. If I hadn't heard how wonderful this guy is where it counts with delivery and surgery, I'd pretty much be done. (Not that there's any guarantee female doctors are going to be empathetic, either.)
Then there was the, "Let's feel around up there to see if anything's happening" portion of the exam. From all I'd read, I thought the poking around to feel the position of the baby was all done externally, Then again, that morning, we had been reading about the changes in cervical tissue when labor is beginning. I guess that's what we were feeling around for? I don't know, but that wasn't comfortable, either. In fact, I ended up quite close to tears by the time that feel was done.
I guess the good news is, in the words of the doctor, "Nothing is happening." She's still quite high up, hasn't dropped yet. And even though she's sat so high up at moments over the last two days I've barely been able to sit because she's pushing into my chest, we don't want her to come out quite yet. She's got a little more developing to do, though she would be fine if she came any minute now. Our hospital bag is mostly packed, too. We're ready.
Another fun moment in the exam: the doctor asked if I've experienced any Braxton Hicks contractions. Not for nothing, but I'M NOT SURE. Having never experienced regular contractions, I don't actually know what they feel like! The readings I've done on the subject have said they feel "like contractions, but less intense and often not painful." Right, but if I haven't experienced contractions, how am I supposed to know what that means? Other descriptions say your uterus hardens. What does that mean?! How do I know if my uterus is harder than it was a few seconds ago? I have no idea what the average rigidity of my uterus is.
But for the record, I'm pretty sure I have been having Braxton Hicks, and for awhile (which is normal). Every now and then while I'm walking around, it feels like something is moving across my stomach pretty strongly. I have to stop moving and take a few deep breaths before I keep walking. It's not painful exactly, but it's like something is gently squeezing my bladder after doing a little soft shoe across my ever expanding tummy.
And then today, I finally called my insurance company to put in a claim for disability. I just scrolled back through old entries, and I guess I never explained what a disaster that's been. So the short version: When I spoke to my insurance rep, he initially told me women don't get disability "just for having a baby." I know that's a lie. I guess since it doesn't affect him, he never bothered to figure that out. Then I was told I signed up for a policy with a 90 day deductible, which infuriated me. Why would I have agreed to that when the only reason I signed up for disability in the first place was to collect when out on maternity leave? I could have paid to shorten that period, but it was going to be A LOT. A friend helped me figure out I'm definitely going to be out for more than 90 days, so no need for that.
Then my insurance rep never got me the paperwork or information I asked for. I had to ask again, then waited another week to hear back. In the meantime, I tried to figure it out on my own, but it wasn't particularly straightforward. Finally, I got a lengthy voicemail about having to make my own claim; he couldn't do anything to instigate that. Fine, I just wish I had been told that earlier.
So today I finally made this phone call... only to have the woman I spoke to tell me I have a long term disability policy, and it isn't really used for things like pregnancy.
I definitely turned into a crazy rage monster at that point. I screamed at her quite a bit, each time turning around and apologizing for yelling at her and saying I wasn't mad at her, but I was mad at her company and their reps for not adequately listening and selling me what I wanted. To her credit, this woman stayed incredibly calm and kept saying, "I understand." She put me on hold to check into my policy. When she came back, she rattled off a bunch of information I already knew - I have a 90 day elimination period, blah blah blah. I told her I knew this already, and I know I'll be out of work for longer than that, because I actually have done this part of my homework. (Yes, I really said that.)
"Well, I can't guarantee it'll be approved, but I can start you on filing a claim if you'd like."
"I don't really have a choice!" I cried. I had definitely gone super dramatic earlier and said to her, "So I might have to go into foreclosure on my house because one of your reps didn't listen to what I need?"
Guys. I don't actually think I'll go into foreclosure on my house. I'll just have a bank account with $0 left in it when I get back to work.
Right, right, right. I'm thinking positively. I filled out my paperwork already and submitted the claim, and they're going to approve it, right?
Yay America! We love families and support them at all costs!
It was this past Sunday, but we started to set up on Friday. It was at our house. If you haven't figured it out by now, I'm not one for cheesy traditions. I didn't want shower games (blech - sorry if you like them, but I think you're in a minority), a crowd of exclusively women commiserating over being a mom, and opening a load of presents everyone knows you're getting anyway. Instead, we got to show off our new house, invite husbands and children (we borrowed a bouncy castle from a friend that was a big hit), have a bbq truck with delicious food (sorry if there wasn't enough for vegetarians and vegans - I didn't see the menu until the day of as I didn't book the truck), and ask people not to waste paper by bringing presents unwrapped.
On Friday and Saturday, I kept having a huge feeling of relief. We made it. We got this far. We should be good and safe from here on in. (Not being unrealistic, but thinking positively.) It's one of those time distortion feelings. We had our first phone consultation with the fertility clinic about a year ago, and we couldn't have our first meeting with them for several weeks. It was so frustrating to have to wait that long. We didn't make a plan for what to do until November. By that time, three months had passed, and it felt like three years. And when I was told I'd have to wait six weeks after my retrieval for the FET, I was devastated at how much time that was.
But now, here we are. A year later, and we're just three weeks out from holding our baby girl in our arms. The amount of stuff we've gone through in just a year to get here is almost unfathomable. And I know people who have been on this journey for well over a year already, or people who have gone through the IVF process multiple times and failed. Though it was difficult and painful and angering and depressing, we're so lucky to have had things go about as quickly as they could have.
The shower was great. I really have no idea how many people were there. (I guess once I'm done writing Thank You notes I'll have some ballpark figure.) My mom initially thought we were going to have 80ish, and then that turned into 100, and by Saturday she was guesstimating 130 and worrying if we were going to have enough food for everyone.
That didn't end up being an issue at all. In fact, we now have a freezer full of meat and mac and cheese from the party, which is great. We're probably almost out of room in our freezer, as Jon has been making meals to stick in there so we won't have to do much cooking once Baby Girl has arrived.
The number of people was overwhelming in terms of my getting to spend any time with anyone, and we had quite a few people who made 2 hour drives to be here. It was humbling, and whenever I did have a quiet moment, I was nearly moved to tears by how many people care about us to support us. We received so many gifts our registry is nearly complete. The most essential items, at least, are all purchased. And we still have a few things to exchange, and more than a few gift cards that will help us with what's left.
More luck, and certainly lots of love.
I have to keep moments like that in mind when I have other moments that aren't quite as lucky.
Like the next part. It's going to get a bit physically graphic, so if you're not into reading about what doctors do to women in routine check ups, go ahead and skip ahead a bit. (Honestly, I can't believe I'm putting this all in writing and then pushing it out into the universe, but I think I've already written similar things, and I'm pretty bent on being honest here.)
I had an OB appointment on Monday. They've become pretty routine, though I did think I had the Strep B test ahead of me. I had read about it and had a friend explain it to me. Apparently Strep B infects about 25% of pregnant women, and though it doesn't do anything to them, it can cause serious issues for newborns. If you're found to have it, you can be given antibiotics during birth to prevent that.
So since that had to happen, this was one of those undress-from-the-waist-down kind of appointments. The nurse led me to believe that'll be all of them from now on, which I definitely wasn't aware of. But okay. I had more than enough of that at RMA, although that was seven months ago at this point.
The doctor came in and measured my stomach. No comments, so I guess I'm measuring well. Then out came the cotton swab, which was probably four times the size of an average Q-tip, and in and around it went. And I'm going to tell you something - it wasn't unpainful. I made a few noises I'm pretty sure conveyed that.
"Yeah, I don't know why that bothers people so much," the doctor said nonchalantly.
I had to really bite my tongue on that one. Listen, doc, you are lacking the essential lady parts to understand what having them actually feels like. And, believe it or not, women don't live to go around shoving stuff up them, no matter what size those things are. I know a cotton swab probably doesn't seem like it would feel like anything, but it does. Jon was sitting in the room, and he said he also struggled not to say at that point, "Don't be such a man about this."
I miss the caring women of the clinic who were extremely comforting whenever I was scared or in pain or crying. I totally get why women only want to have women OB-GYNs. If I hadn't heard how wonderful this guy is where it counts with delivery and surgery, I'd pretty much be done. (Not that there's any guarantee female doctors are going to be empathetic, either.)
Then there was the, "Let's feel around up there to see if anything's happening" portion of the exam. From all I'd read, I thought the poking around to feel the position of the baby was all done externally, Then again, that morning, we had been reading about the changes in cervical tissue when labor is beginning. I guess that's what we were feeling around for? I don't know, but that wasn't comfortable, either. In fact, I ended up quite close to tears by the time that feel was done.
I guess the good news is, in the words of the doctor, "Nothing is happening." She's still quite high up, hasn't dropped yet. And even though she's sat so high up at moments over the last two days I've barely been able to sit because she's pushing into my chest, we don't want her to come out quite yet. She's got a little more developing to do, though she would be fine if she came any minute now. Our hospital bag is mostly packed, too. We're ready.
Another fun moment in the exam: the doctor asked if I've experienced any Braxton Hicks contractions. Not for nothing, but I'M NOT SURE. Having never experienced regular contractions, I don't actually know what they feel like! The readings I've done on the subject have said they feel "like contractions, but less intense and often not painful." Right, but if I haven't experienced contractions, how am I supposed to know what that means? Other descriptions say your uterus hardens. What does that mean?! How do I know if my uterus is harder than it was a few seconds ago? I have no idea what the average rigidity of my uterus is.
But for the record, I'm pretty sure I have been having Braxton Hicks, and for awhile (which is normal). Every now and then while I'm walking around, it feels like something is moving across my stomach pretty strongly. I have to stop moving and take a few deep breaths before I keep walking. It's not painful exactly, but it's like something is gently squeezing my bladder after doing a little soft shoe across my ever expanding tummy.
And then today, I finally called my insurance company to put in a claim for disability. I just scrolled back through old entries, and I guess I never explained what a disaster that's been. So the short version: When I spoke to my insurance rep, he initially told me women don't get disability "just for having a baby." I know that's a lie. I guess since it doesn't affect him, he never bothered to figure that out. Then I was told I signed up for a policy with a 90 day deductible, which infuriated me. Why would I have agreed to that when the only reason I signed up for disability in the first place was to collect when out on maternity leave? I could have paid to shorten that period, but it was going to be A LOT. A friend helped me figure out I'm definitely going to be out for more than 90 days, so no need for that.
Then my insurance rep never got me the paperwork or information I asked for. I had to ask again, then waited another week to hear back. In the meantime, I tried to figure it out on my own, but it wasn't particularly straightforward. Finally, I got a lengthy voicemail about having to make my own claim; he couldn't do anything to instigate that. Fine, I just wish I had been told that earlier.
So today I finally made this phone call... only to have the woman I spoke to tell me I have a long term disability policy, and it isn't really used for things like pregnancy.
I definitely turned into a crazy rage monster at that point. I screamed at her quite a bit, each time turning around and apologizing for yelling at her and saying I wasn't mad at her, but I was mad at her company and their reps for not adequately listening and selling me what I wanted. To her credit, this woman stayed incredibly calm and kept saying, "I understand." She put me on hold to check into my policy. When she came back, she rattled off a bunch of information I already knew - I have a 90 day elimination period, blah blah blah. I told her I knew this already, and I know I'll be out of work for longer than that, because I actually have done this part of my homework. (Yes, I really said that.)
"Well, I can't guarantee it'll be approved, but I can start you on filing a claim if you'd like."
"I don't really have a choice!" I cried. I had definitely gone super dramatic earlier and said to her, "So I might have to go into foreclosure on my house because one of your reps didn't listen to what I need?"
Guys. I don't actually think I'll go into foreclosure on my house. I'll just have a bank account with $0 left in it when I get back to work.
Right, right, right. I'm thinking positively. I filled out my paperwork already and submitted the claim, and they're going to approve it, right?
Yay America! We love families and support them at all costs!
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