A comedy of errors

Or Even more health issues

So does Lily mind her harness? Not particularly unless we try to put her on her stomach. Tummy time is really important for infants, as I’m sure many of you know. When we put Lily on her stomach, no matter how many blankets we have on the floor, she loses her mind. It’s probably due to the fact that she has a strap going across her chest, and when it is pressed into her, I’m sure it’s uncomfortable.

She had an appointment with her pediatrician not long after her harness was put on. The pediatrician wanted to take the harness off to weigh and measure Lily, but we swiftly insisted she not do that since we didn’t know how to put it back on. She was horrified. She had never heard of leaving a harness on 100% of the time. She told us that usually, parents are allowed to take it off for doctors’ appointments and bathing, as well as tummy time, which she also wasn’t happy to hear isn’t happening too much these days. I mean, it can still happen while Lily lays on one of our stomachs or laps, just not on the floor. So she may have some delay in arm development.

I worried about that for a hot second. Then I got over it. Worst things could be delayed than her arms. OK, so she may not roll over as quickly as we’d like. The major advantage to rolling over is sleeping in the crib, and I’m in no hurry for her to leave the bassinet in our room. It’s working for now and I’d probably get less sleep with her in her own room than I do with her in ours. 

The pediatrician wanted me to call the orthopedist and asked for Lily’s records to be released to her and if we could take her out of the harness for maybe an hour a day. I called a few days later around 3 o’clock, and I got an answering service. It was a woman who sounded like she was 16 and couldn’t spell her own name. She certainly wasn’t the typically overly happy person I’m used to dealing with on the phone. Something about her tone was annoyed, which annoyed me. She couldn’t understand half of what I was asking, but she said she’d relay the message. 

I never got a phone call back. 

The next step in the process was to have an ultrasound after the harness had been on for two weeks. Dr. Ortho said it would be easiest to get it done at the medical center she was associated with as it would go right into their computer system and we wouldn’t have to bring a disc with images on it again. 

That sounded perfect until I remembered that I should check to make sure they were in my insurance network. 

So the day after the ortho appointment, I sat down with a myriad of phone numbers that were on the script I had and called the first one, which I was pretty sure was for scheduling. 

“I want to make an appointment for my daughter to have an ultrasound, but I also want to make sure you take my insurance,” I told the woman who answered. 

“Hold on, I’ll connect you to customer service,” she said. 

I gave the customer service rep the same line, and he said, “Just call the scheduling line. They can tell you if we’re in network when you make your appointment. “

“They transferred me to you,“ I said.

He audibly rolled his eyes. “They shouldn’t have done that. OK, let me see if I can help you. Hold on.“

He transferred me to someone else somewhere else. I gave them the same starting line.

“What’s your health insurance?“ she asked me.

Oh, well. My health insurance just changed in July, of course, when I need it most. Our new coverage is Meritain Aetna, which has always confused me. Is it Meritain? Is it Aetna? Is it both? I told this new person it was Meritain Aetna, and she asked, “Well, which one is it?“

“It’s called Meritiain Aetna,“ I said. 

“Well where do your claims get sent?“

I had to turn the card over to find out it was Meritain. “No, we don’t take that,“ she told me.

No. Of course you don’t. “Even though I saw one of your doctors yesterday and she takes it?“

“Yeah, it’s a totally separate thing.“

OK, fine. So now I would have to search out another radiologist to do this ultrasound. I tried looking online at the Meritain Aetna website, but that wasn’t not confusing. I wasn’t having a huge amount of luck, and my frustration was mounting. After a short break to load the washing machine, I made another phone call to my insurance company.

First off, I asked them if I had Meritain or Aetna insurance. “Meritain,“ the woman on the phone told me. “Aetna is just your carrier.“

Oh yeah, lady. I absolutely know what that means. I know all the insurance jargon!

I explained the entire ultrasound and orthopedist situation to her, and I was put on hold, again, so this woman could find someone in my network. I told her the hospital I was looking at before she searched. When she came back, she told me that hospital is in network. What?! Then why did they tell me they were not?! Then she said something about the orthopedist there.

“No,“ I said through gritted teeth. “I saw the orthopedist already. I need a radiologist. “

“Oh. Well, the hospital is in network for that too.”

Well. I’m glad the hospital knows that.

So this woman gave me yet another phone number to call, which I did, and I made the appointment. At the end of that call, after I had a date and time and had given them all my information, the person on the phone told me that they are legally obligated to inform me that even though the hospital accepts my insurance, the individual providers who work out of the hospital may not.

Really, at that point, it was all I could do to not throw my phone against the wall. After I demanded how to figure out if the radiology group was in network, guess what I was given? If your guess is another phone number, well, you don’t win anything besides the pleasure of knowing you understand how this game works.

So I called the radiology group. And, exasperatedly, I asked the next woman on the phone if they except Meritain health.

“We do,“ she told me.

“Hallelujah,“ I screamed, and she laughed.

“Yes, their carrier is Aetna, and we take them.”

Are you kidding me?! What does this even mean anymore?!

Meanwhile, my British mother-in-law sat on the couch watching this with mild interest. She comes from a country where everyone is covered by national healthcare. She could not for the life of her fathom what the point of all these phone calls was. (Nor could she understand why a lot of British politicians seem to want to move to this private healthcare system that is clearly a mild disaster. But that’s another issue entirely.)

Not to get too political, but national healthcare seems to be pretty greatly misunderstood in America. Wouldn’t it be nice if we didn’t have to spend large quantities of our time making phone calls to various doctors and insurance companies only to find out that the place you called in the first place does accept your insurance even though they didn’t think they did? Seriously. I went in a big giant circle. That is an hour and a half of my life that I am never getting back. And maybe a few years due to stress.

So the day of the ultrasound came. In my infinite wisdom on the day of the phone calls, I wrote down one address, but I wrote over it to change it. So I had written down 111 Madison Ave., and changed the last two ones to zeros. Or had I changed the last two zeros to ones? Why did I think it was a good idea to write one number over the other? I didn’t know which number I had written down first! So basically, I wasn’t sure where I was going.

I drove to the address I thought was the correct one. Drove in circles around the building looking for the emergency entrance, which I had been told was nearby where I needed to be. No emergency entrance. I parked and googled the radiology group. I couldn’t find much about that at all. But something told me I was in the right place, so my mother-in-law and I got out of the car and set up the stroller. We clicked Lily’s car seat into it and started to walk around to find the entrance. There were a lot of doors, but none of them looked like what we needed. So I googled the other address and the radiology group, and I realized that was where we needed to be. Luckily, we were early, and the other address was across the street, but if you’ve been reading this, you know me. I started to get anxious about being late.

We got back in the car and I called the radiology office to double check the address and let them know I might be a little tardy. But no one answered the phone. I mean, why should they at 1:45 in the afternoon? That’s not a time people should be at work or anything.

When we got to the correct address, it turned out it was a full-blown hospital. It wasn’t what I was expecting since the Orthopedist we had been to was associated with the same “medical center”. I felt like a moron for not speaking medical center jargon and understanding that that meant hospital.

I followed the arrows for the ER, and when I came to a parking deck, we parked there. Got out of the car, put the stroller together, felt my heart rate kick up even more because of how late we were running. As we crossed the street to the actual hospital, we could see a cardiac center and a cancer center. I saw nothing about radiology or even the ER. 

We went in where we could, and luckily, there was an information desk in front of us. Unluckily, no one was sitting at it. So we headed for the cancer center, where I frustratedly asked a lovely old lady where I should go. She said she would show us the way to radiology. I would never have asked her to do that if I had known it would be approximately a 5 mile walk. (OK, I exaggerate a little, but it was really far.) There were twists and turns, and when we finally got to radiology, they pointed us further in another direction.

It turned out we were supposed to go to the Children’s Hospital, which is attached to the regular hospital. That makes sense and all, seeing as my daughter was only 10 weeks old at the time, but how was I supposed to know that they would have their own radiology department? No one mentioned that to me on the phone.

So we finally got to the check-in, where another woman asked me if I had my prescription with me. The bug eyed look I gave her must’ve said it all. “Don’t tell me you didn’t bring the prescription,” she said, nearly rolling her eyes at me.

Now, in my defense, the “prescription” was just a printed out piece of computer paper. I’m used to prescriptions being on a blue doctor’s pad. I didn’t realize I was supposed to bring the printout with me. Thankfully because this is all done through the same medical center, they could call across the street and have the prescription faxed over.

We didn’t have to wait too long for the ultrasound once we were called in. Of course, after it was over, Lily wanted to eat. I started to feed her in the ultrasound room, but I was kicked out after a few minutes since another patient was coming in. The nurse tried to find me a spare room, but I ended up going back to the waiting room and feeding her there. I’m over doing this in public for the most part. It happens where it happens. 

Getting out of the hospital was a whole other thing. We thought we knew how to get back, but we ended up down some random hallways with tons of doctors wearing facemasks. Luckily, everyone was extremely nice and helpful. When we finally got near some elevators, one woman even walked us to where we needed to be. She said everyone at the hospital has been through something similar. It’s just like the 51 state.

OK. At least I know now. We all survived, and Lily had an ultrasound. Now we know where to go next time.

We had our follow up appointment a few days later. Everything is progressing well, so hopefully the harness will be off soon. We got permission to take it off for a little while when we need to for a bath and tummy time.

Dr. Ortho was pretty clear about going for the next ultrasound in three weeks’ time. She thought two weeks would be too soon, but after three weeks, Lily’s hips would probably look fully baked (for lack of a better word).

I looked at my calendar and saw that three weeks would be December 30. Now, most things are closed between Christmas and New Year’s; I know that. When I brought this up to the doctor, she said, “Oh, well you can get it done maybe the 27th or 28th. It doesn’t have to be exactly 3 weeks.”

So the next day I called to make an ultrasound appointment. Of course the office that does it is closed between Christmas and New Year’s, so I made an appointment for the 23rd, exactly 2 weeks after the follow up. Then I called Dr. Ortho’s office to schedule the follow up, and she is also closed between Christmas and New Year’s. Great. I’m glad she knows when her own office hours are. We are seeing her January 2.

I did ask about the ultrasound being two weeks after the last appointment. Well, I had to leave a message with someone in Dr. Ortho‘s office. She did not get back to me, so I had to call again two days later. Luckily, the person at the desk had taken good notes, and the doctor had said the two week thing was fine. Glad they called to let me know, she said sarcastically.

So hopefully, the harness will be off as of January 2, and all this will be behind us. And Lily will be as happy as ever and much healthier.