The Family that Pees Together
Or the One about family restrooms.
While I was still pregnant, we stopped into a “family restroom” in one of the many local malls to see exactly what it entailed. It was gorgeous – you had to walk around a wall, but on the other side were two leather gliders where you could nurse your baby. Off to either side of that were two bathrooms. What a relief to know such a wonderland existed! We were pretty impressed and figured this is what most places would be like.
Not true. When you have a baby, you start to find all kinds of inclusive and non-inclusive parenting places. Not every place of business even has one of those pull down changing table wall units for you to use. When we took Lily to the oral surgeon, Jon had to use one of our portable changing mats to change her on the floor. And that was relatively new, clean building. How much can those wall units possibly cost? For a place that does pediatrics, you would think investing in one of those would be thoughtful.
I think my favorite was the time we went to a local restaurant with two individual bathrooms which were quite small and had to change her on the floor. Jon tried to do it in the men’s room, but a grown man could barely fit in there on his own. So we went to the ladies room, which was about double the size, and spread out. Of course, I’ve never quite understood why individual bathrooms are designated as men’s or lady’s but that’s a whole other thing.
The bottom line is finding a place to take care of your baby varies. And most of the time, it varies in malls.
The mall nearest our house is about two minutes away. It has two rooms labeled family restroom, but they’re just handicap restrooms. There’s nothing but toilets and changing tables. They have changing tables in the larger bathrooms! I guess it’s nice to have both parents present to change your baby if you can, but it’s not really necessary. Luckily, at the extreme end of the women’s room, there are two large chairs hidden behind walls you can sit on to nurse. It’s not super private, but it’s better than sitting in the middle of the food court, which is what I had to do in another mall that has a similar family restroom situation.
I had to nurse there twice in the same day recently. The second time I was there, a gaggle of 16-year-old or so girls were in there doing… Something. I think one of them had the spot right under her lip pierced and was trying to change out the piercing with the help of her friends. From their conversation, I gathered that the girl’s parents didn’t know about the piercing, and she was trying to keep it that way. Their language was pretty foul, but one of them kept looking over at me and saying, “Oh sorry, there’s a baby.“ I assured her that the baby couldn’t understand anything they were saying. Back in the food court, they were sitting around like bums making out with their boyfriends. All of this made me nervous about Lily’s slowly approaching teenage years. What will she hide from us?
Jon pointed out that I have a nose ring, so it won’t be a piercing she hides, most likely. I didn’t really hide anything from my parents. Except this one time I arranged to meet a guy I knew on the internet in person. I tried to hide that from my parents, but I broke down and told my mom before it happened. Of course, I ended up marrying that guy so it couldn’t have been the worst thing in the world.
In the mall nearest to where I grew up, I haven’t seen their family restroom situation. I did need to nurse Lily there recently, and my mom suggested Nordstrom. Their upstairs women’s room has a huge lounge attached with couches. On top of that, it turns out they also have a separate lounge with a couch and changing tables for mothers. Now that’s what I call family service!
But the most experiential experience I had was in a mall about an hour away. I went with my mother-in-law on a day after we visited my husband at work because he had some free time and wasn’t going to be home till later that night. It was lovely to sneak in the time to see him, and I know he loved seeing Lily. Particularly when he didn’t think he would for hours.
We drove to this mall, which is huge, and part of it is pretty upscale. We had a nice enough time, walking around past the expensive stores, stopping for a coffee and a snack in Aroma. (Jon and I love to go to Aroma when we can; it’s a huge coffee chain in Israel, where we went on vacation some years ago. This Aroma is one of only two in the country. It was such an amazing surprise when we found it the first time. A nice reminder of a beautiful vacation.)
Before we left, Lily woke up and needed to be changed and fed. I had seen a sign for a, you guessed it, family restroom that we headed for. It was absolutely stunning. Two leather changing tables, a TV sponsored by Amazon with one of their kids’ shows blaring, a mounted tablet with educational games, a bathroom with two sized toilets so your child could also use that easily, and two curtained off rooms with comfy chairs for nursing. It was full of happy families, and it just felt like such a pleasure. Why can’t every mall or place of business have something this inviting? (rhetorical question)
I was glad to have a place to relax for half an hour and be able to feed her at leisurely pace. When I finished, there was no one left in the area except for me, Lily, and my mother-in-law. As we were getting Lily situated, a really shady looking guy came in on his own. He started poking around, looking in every corner of the room, going into the bathroom and checking it out, looking in the garbages, moving the curtains back on the nursing rooms. All I could think was how glad I was that I wasn’t still nursing!
Luckily, my mother-in-law was completely on the same page about what a creeper this guy was. We didn’t strap Lily into her stroller car seat; just got her jacket halfway on and got out of there. Outside, there was another man dressed similarly. Both men were pretty constantly on their cell phones. We moved as fast as we could away from that hallway and around a few corners before we stopped to put Lily’s seatbelt on.
As soon as I did, she absolutely lost her mind crying and screaming. I had to unbuckle her again and pick her up and cuddle her for a while until she calmed down. We weren’t sure what upset her so much, but we both surmised she might’ve picked up on our anxiety. Once I calmed her down, she went back into her seat with no issue.
I looked over my shoulder the whole way back to the car. Once before, a friend and I were followed in a mall and asked security to escort us to our cars. That time, the man following us literally stared at us and went into the same stores as us and even waited by the exit door for us. This time, even though we didn’t see these men again, I felt almost as at risk.
Because they were lurking in/near a FAMILY restroom. What would be the goal of that? Victimizing vulnerable mothers? Peeping at women who might be partially exposed? Kidnapping babies? I have no idea, and it’s terrifying.
I probably should have reported the incident, but if I’m being extremely honest, I didn’t want to be perceived as racist. So I let it go. I still feel uncomfortable when I think of it and unsure of what I should have done.
And then I wonder if there should be more security details on the family restrooms. Should they have cameras in there when you see naked baby bottoms left and right? I mean, baby bottoms could show up pretty much anywhere at any time when a changing needs to happen… So would it be terrible to have security cameras? I’m not sure. Maybe they have cameras and I just didn’t notice? We did see at another mall that their security office is near the family restrooms, so we doubted anyone would be staking them out at that place.
Just unfortunate that the nicest family restroom I’ve seen also came a bit tainted.
While I was still pregnant, we stopped into a “family restroom” in one of the many local malls to see exactly what it entailed. It was gorgeous – you had to walk around a wall, but on the other side were two leather gliders where you could nurse your baby. Off to either side of that were two bathrooms. What a relief to know such a wonderland existed! We were pretty impressed and figured this is what most places would be like.
Not true. When you have a baby, you start to find all kinds of inclusive and non-inclusive parenting places. Not every place of business even has one of those pull down changing table wall units for you to use. When we took Lily to the oral surgeon, Jon had to use one of our portable changing mats to change her on the floor. And that was relatively new, clean building. How much can those wall units possibly cost? For a place that does pediatrics, you would think investing in one of those would be thoughtful.
I think my favorite was the time we went to a local restaurant with two individual bathrooms which were quite small and had to change her on the floor. Jon tried to do it in the men’s room, but a grown man could barely fit in there on his own. So we went to the ladies room, which was about double the size, and spread out. Of course, I’ve never quite understood why individual bathrooms are designated as men’s or lady’s but that’s a whole other thing.
The bottom line is finding a place to take care of your baby varies. And most of the time, it varies in malls.
The mall nearest our house is about two minutes away. It has two rooms labeled family restroom, but they’re just handicap restrooms. There’s nothing but toilets and changing tables. They have changing tables in the larger bathrooms! I guess it’s nice to have both parents present to change your baby if you can, but it’s not really necessary. Luckily, at the extreme end of the women’s room, there are two large chairs hidden behind walls you can sit on to nurse. It’s not super private, but it’s better than sitting in the middle of the food court, which is what I had to do in another mall that has a similar family restroom situation.
I had to nurse there twice in the same day recently. The second time I was there, a gaggle of 16-year-old or so girls were in there doing… Something. I think one of them had the spot right under her lip pierced and was trying to change out the piercing with the help of her friends. From their conversation, I gathered that the girl’s parents didn’t know about the piercing, and she was trying to keep it that way. Their language was pretty foul, but one of them kept looking over at me and saying, “Oh sorry, there’s a baby.“ I assured her that the baby couldn’t understand anything they were saying. Back in the food court, they were sitting around like bums making out with their boyfriends. All of this made me nervous about Lily’s slowly approaching teenage years. What will she hide from us?
Jon pointed out that I have a nose ring, so it won’t be a piercing she hides, most likely. I didn’t really hide anything from my parents. Except this one time I arranged to meet a guy I knew on the internet in person. I tried to hide that from my parents, but I broke down and told my mom before it happened. Of course, I ended up marrying that guy so it couldn’t have been the worst thing in the world.
In the mall nearest to where I grew up, I haven’t seen their family restroom situation. I did need to nurse Lily there recently, and my mom suggested Nordstrom. Their upstairs women’s room has a huge lounge attached with couches. On top of that, it turns out they also have a separate lounge with a couch and changing tables for mothers. Now that’s what I call family service!
But the most experiential experience I had was in a mall about an hour away. I went with my mother-in-law on a day after we visited my husband at work because he had some free time and wasn’t going to be home till later that night. It was lovely to sneak in the time to see him, and I know he loved seeing Lily. Particularly when he didn’t think he would for hours.
We drove to this mall, which is huge, and part of it is pretty upscale. We had a nice enough time, walking around past the expensive stores, stopping for a coffee and a snack in Aroma. (Jon and I love to go to Aroma when we can; it’s a huge coffee chain in Israel, where we went on vacation some years ago. This Aroma is one of only two in the country. It was such an amazing surprise when we found it the first time. A nice reminder of a beautiful vacation.)
Before we left, Lily woke up and needed to be changed and fed. I had seen a sign for a, you guessed it, family restroom that we headed for. It was absolutely stunning. Two leather changing tables, a TV sponsored by Amazon with one of their kids’ shows blaring, a mounted tablet with educational games, a bathroom with two sized toilets so your child could also use that easily, and two curtained off rooms with comfy chairs for nursing. It was full of happy families, and it just felt like such a pleasure. Why can’t every mall or place of business have something this inviting? (rhetorical question)
I was glad to have a place to relax for half an hour and be able to feed her at leisurely pace. When I finished, there was no one left in the area except for me, Lily, and my mother-in-law. As we were getting Lily situated, a really shady looking guy came in on his own. He started poking around, looking in every corner of the room, going into the bathroom and checking it out, looking in the garbages, moving the curtains back on the nursing rooms. All I could think was how glad I was that I wasn’t still nursing!
Luckily, my mother-in-law was completely on the same page about what a creeper this guy was. We didn’t strap Lily into her stroller car seat; just got her jacket halfway on and got out of there. Outside, there was another man dressed similarly. Both men were pretty constantly on their cell phones. We moved as fast as we could away from that hallway and around a few corners before we stopped to put Lily’s seatbelt on.
As soon as I did, she absolutely lost her mind crying and screaming. I had to unbuckle her again and pick her up and cuddle her for a while until she calmed down. We weren’t sure what upset her so much, but we both surmised she might’ve picked up on our anxiety. Once I calmed her down, she went back into her seat with no issue.
I looked over my shoulder the whole way back to the car. Once before, a friend and I were followed in a mall and asked security to escort us to our cars. That time, the man following us literally stared at us and went into the same stores as us and even waited by the exit door for us. This time, even though we didn’t see these men again, I felt almost as at risk.
Because they were lurking in/near a FAMILY restroom. What would be the goal of that? Victimizing vulnerable mothers? Peeping at women who might be partially exposed? Kidnapping babies? I have no idea, and it’s terrifying.
I probably should have reported the incident, but if I’m being extremely honest, I didn’t want to be perceived as racist. So I let it go. I still feel uncomfortable when I think of it and unsure of what I should have done.
And then I wonder if there should be more security details on the family restrooms. Should they have cameras in there when you see naked baby bottoms left and right? I mean, baby bottoms could show up pretty much anywhere at any time when a changing needs to happen… So would it be terrible to have security cameras? I’m not sure. Maybe they have cameras and I just didn’t notice? We did see at another mall that their security office is near the family restrooms, so we doubted anyone would be staking them out at that place.
Just unfortunate that the nicest family restroom I’ve seen also came a bit tainted.
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