Just as Sane as I Am

Friday was a big day - our first post-transfer ultrasound! I insisted that hubby go into work a little late to see if we could see our girl together for the first time. We had a doctor I had never met before, and as soon as he came into the room, he congratulated us. That's always a good sign. He reviewed how well my levels had gone up and told us we'd be looking for a gestational sac, a black dot in the middle of the uterus. I had already demanded that the universe let us see it. I know that some people don't, and though that doesn't necessarily mean they're not pregnant, it wouldn't exactly put my mind at rest if that happened. But almost as soon as the wand was inserted, the black dot was clear. And inside that was a smaller white dot, which was the yolk sac. I was told that I was 5 weeks and 2 days on, and the ultrasound matched up perfectly with that. (After my last entry, a friend directed me to a due date calculator that factors in IVF. It told me my ...

After an embryo transfer, the (what’s the right word/phrase here? Patient? Couple? Woman in question? Desperate sods? Take your pick) has to endure the dreaded two week window (TWW to those of you down with the infertility lingo). This is the two weeks between the transfer and the pregnancy test. Everyone who’s gone through this says it’s the worst, most stressful, longest feeling two weeks of your life. Luckily, the clinic I’m using only makes you wait 10 days. (Not sure why; assuming it’s because the embryos they use are already 6 days old when implanted, as opposed to clinics that do fresh transfers.) Also luckily, between my job, which is ever unpredictable, and the process of house buying/selling, I didn’t have a huge amount of time to dwell on the impending blood work. I also decided that I wasn’t going to worry too much, and, for possibly the first time ever, I listened to myself. I wasn’t even tempted to take a home pregnancy test. Clinics advise against this because results ...

Day Before Transfer: Get bloodwork and ultrasound done. Receive phone call about time to come in the next day. Before bed on the day of transfer: load up this turkey baster-like object with Vandazole gel and shoot it all up in my vagi-sness. Morning of transfer: Insert progesterone suppository, which, btw, comes with no applicator or instructions. Other than to make sure you wear a pad because the suppository will burst while inside you. Does this sound like fun yet? No, really, none of it was that bad. The progesterone injections still take the cake so far. At around 9:30 on the 31, I still hadn't gotten a call confirming what time to take the suppository. I called and left a voice mail. Shortly thereafter, the same amazingly nice woman who I had spoken to the previous day called back. "I saw that my sister Shauna called, and I was like, 'Oh no, I can't have her being confused!'" She explained that she works in embryology; the second woman who had...

After two or three of these shots, I was sore . Like having trouble walking, waddling around, possibly doing more injury than good to my back and thighs because of the way I was walking kind of sore. I took a picture of the giant needle I was injecting myself with, thinking I would include it here as I did with my bruised stomach. My brain also tossed around the idea of posting it on Facebook, as I'm pretty sure that most of you reading this are friends with me. I figured I could throw the picture up there as an illustration for what's occurring. I did waffle - is that TMI? Are there people who I don't want to know what I'm going through? Eh. I'm an open person about these sorts of things. (Maybe too open, but I know that about myself. I can't hide my emotions on these difficult topics, and I can't lie about why I'm feeling a certain way. I don't like when people are vague and cagey with me, so I'm not with others.) Up went the picture. I...

My most recent visit to the clinic thankfully went well, other than a long wait for an ultrasound. I saw my first male doctor in this group, and he was one of the first people to not treat me like I’m an idiot. He explained what everything meant, which was refreshing, and even seemed annoyed that I hadn’t been told certain things. Thanks for finally being on my side, someone. Also, though he struggled to find my ovaries, he did manage both of them after he took his time. He seemed absolutely appalled that someone had sent me away without finding one last week. I felt awfully validated. Later that day, a nurse called me to let me know that all of my levels were right on target. Keep with estrogen 3x daily and start progesterone shots on the 26, as planned. Oh, those dreaded words. Progesterone shots. The most terrifying  part of this whole thing. The thing that my doctor told me on day 1 would really hurt, that women in the social media groups I’m part of lament on the regular. ...

Fourteen years ago, on my first visit overseas to meet my future husband's family, his father unexpectedly had a heart attack and passed away. It was quite the introduction to everyone, it has to be said. Shocking, devastating, but I was glad I could be there for my at-the-time boyfriend. Not long after that, my mother in law went to see a medium who told her that her late husband would leave white feathers for her when he was visiting. She did see a few around that year at apt times in meaningful places. Years later, after a few months of marriage, my husband and I were looking for our first house together. We went hunting a few days, not long, before we found one that we were pretty sure we liked. We put a bid on it that was accepted, but there was still another house I wanted to see. Also, my parents, with whom I am very close, hadn't had the chance to see it. The weekend after our acceptance, we went to see the other house I was interested in, and I was unsure if I li...

Estrogen pills began Sunday after blood work and ultrasound. (The blood work that morning was PAINFUL. It took awhile to find a vein they could get into, and it kept ducking out of the way when they did. A huge, ugly bruise formed there later that day.) Taking those twice a day, and they really haven't made any difference in my emotions, thankfully. No depression like with the injections. Hallelujah. Had to go to the clinic early in the morning yesterday for more blood work and ultrasound. Due to the existing arm bruise, we used my right arm for taking blood. While the phlebotomist got the vein easily (a small miracle), it still bruised, I guess just based on the placement. At least I'm symmetrical now. I had to wait ten minutes or so before I was shown to my ultrasound room. I'm used the process there; undress from the waist down, sit on the bed, cover up with the thin paper blanket they leave folded up for you. I bring a book and sit there in as much dignity as I can ...